“The Death Mother wields a cold, fierce, violent, and corrosive power . . . When [the] Death Mother’s gaze is directed at us, it penetrates both psyche and body, turning us into stone. It kills hope. It cuts us dead. We collapse. Our life energy drains from us, and we sink into chthonic darkness. In this state, we find ourselves yearning for the oblivion of death. Eventually, this yearning for death permeates our cells, causing our bodies to turn against themselves.”

― Woodman, p. 178, 2009 in Confronting Death Mother: An Interview with Marion Woodman.

Death, we all fear her rage, and yet, we all know that we must eventually surrender to her….

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However, historically, scholars and psychotherapists alike (such as Woodman) have focused on the dangers of over-identifying with this force rather than her creative and liberating potential.

She is presented as a destructive force. Like the Hindu Goddess Kali, ready to cut off our heads and drag us into the underworld – our ultimate demise. Yet what we fail to understand is that Kali isn’t just destructive; she is also considered to be the mother of the universe.

In other words, the same force that seeks to destroy our fragile Ego functions is often the very force that is needed to set us free.

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We forget in our patriarchal society, which is obsessed with regulating women to their light feminine aspects, that the archetype of the mother is not only meant to be the selfless caretaker of us…she is also the one who is responsible for setting boundaries for us until we are able to learn how to do that on our own…

Because a true “good” mother not only nurtures her children and comforts them when they are sick, sad, or longing for affection, but also reminds them not to be reckless. Not to touch the hot stove, or else they will be burned, and to remember their responsibilities and that they have to consider their relationships with others and the world around them.

She reminds her children that the world is a balance of giving AND taking, that things should be reciprocal, and that nature will always demand a balance one way or another.

In my own family, I can speak directly to this: as children, we came to understand that we should fear my grandmother’s German/Eastern European wrath whenever it was triggered, and that it was often the result of some wrongdoing on our part.

Whether that was failing to respect her house or kitchen floors, which she had just painstakingly cleaned, only to have her grandchildren act inconsiderate of her feelings by dropping their dinner crumbs on the carpet. Or when we would tease our younger cousin too harshly, only to be met with a proper scolding about being nice to others and a timeout.

The message was clear in both scenarios: whether you like it or not, your actions have consequences, and you must account for them.

And while in extreme cases this desire for accountability can lead to households in which parents become too authoritarian and consequently can end up harming their children, resulting in long-term psychological impacts, there is also a very real downside to growing up in households in which mothers do not own their dark feminine aspects and fail to give their children proper guidance.

When this happens, we create spoiled children and individuals who are incapable of self-reflection. Which, sadly, has become the norm for most of North America. Our society has become so obsessed with the desire to have mothers embody the perfect “ideal” mother-figure (i.e., like the Virgin Mary or Donna Reed archetype) that we forget that perhaps a “good” mother isn’t, well… all that ideal.

A mother who disowns her own darkness fails to teach her children how to regulate their shadow aspects. Or conversely, she overcorrects and ends up becoming something of a “Mommy Dearest” (such as in the film about Joan Crawford’s daughter’s experience growing up with her abusive mother) who then displaces her rage onto her children, who become victims in the wake of her destruction – just like Woodman’s Death Mother archetype.

Thus, in extreme examples, as I discussed in my podcast episode on the “Monster Mother” archetype, this mother can not only become violent towards her own self-destructive patterns but also to her children. As was the case with Andrea Yates, the woman who confessed to drowning her five children in their bathtub on June 20, 2001 in Houston, Texas.

Yet, because we have such a disdain for the dark feminine and Death Mother archetype, no one ever bothers to look deeper into how these tragedies can occur….

Instead, like Woodman in her own recounting of the Death Mother archetype, we label these women as “abnormal” and “cold,” and equate them with being similar to the Gorgon Medusa or the Cailleach, the Welsh/Irish Hag or Crone goddess, made of stone and ready to turn those who cross them into stone as well.

But we don’t understand, or rather, what I have come to realize for myself is that the Death Mother is actually trying to give us the very poison or “medicine” we need to set ourselves free.

Because in facing our death, or rather, becoming comfortable sitting in the void or womb of the Great Mother, where we meet the Death Mother archetype (which only occurs once our Ego functions have been split open), we suddenly become stripped of our shallow protective structures.

The status markers, the notches on our belts, the awards and “trophies” we have encountered during our lifetimes. Things that we used to believe mattered so much only to face our deepest fears, regrets, shadows, and ultimately…the mirror into ourselves.

Which is perhaps why so many women who embody this archetype were labeled as “witches”. Since it takes a person of strong character to look the Death Mother in the face and lead others to surrender to her power as well.

This is because we naturally fear the very medicine we need. It’s human nature to not only reject the notion of death because the Ego function above all else wants to stay alive. Thus, the rejection of the physical process of death and the Death Mother herself is inherently a rejection of the feminine, because the feminine reminds us we aren’t in control. Instead, as Woodman describes, we “sink into chthonic darkness,” and this “yearning for death permeates our cells, causing our bodies to turn against themselves.”

Our bodies, naturally, know how to die. As we age, our skin begins to sag, and we eventually start to feel the effects of us becoming closer to the void. Hospice workers will tell you there are clear signs a person displays when they are about to die. Often, individuals begin to lose control of their bowels and other bodily functions, and they talk about seeing figures not present in the room, or past loved ones who have already moved on. Often, there is a sense that they will be traveling or going on a journey soon. And then, of course, their organs begin to shut down… the body stops working, and consciousness ceases to exist.

The Ego function is no more, and the principle I call Eros/Spirit is released from the body into the ether, and all that is left is the principle of Psyche/Soul, which eventually is returned and reintegrated with the earth.

An ultimate symbol of coming home to the Great Mother.

Thus, ultimately, while over-identifying with the Death Mother can become maladaptive, just as over-identifying with the patriarchal “Father” archetype has its own shadow aspects which can lead to the devaluation of others and endless pursuit of perfection, which Woodman herself wrote about when she warned about the felid of psychology “flying too high into the world of the spirit” and thus, detaching from the “matter” or the “mother”.

Which is why I consider it a bit ironic that even Woodman herself had trouble fully understanding the complexities of the Death Mother archetype, and instead split her into two aspects, reflecting the concept I refer to in my Yonic Theory approach as the goddess-witch spectrum.

In her dark aspects, Woodman identified the Death Mother, or “Negative Mother” in her book The Pregnant Virgin: A Process of Psychological Transformation, as a witch-like character hell-bent on facilitating our destruction, who suffocates her daughter, yet she simultaneously also discussed another dark feminine force – that of the Black Madonna and then later Sophia, which she described as

“Nature impregnated by spirit, accepting the human body as the chalice of the spirit. She [the Black Madonna] is the redemption of matter, the intersection of sexuality and spirituality.”

- Woodman, p. 125, 1985

Woodman then goes on to mention that for women dreaming of this archetype, it is not uncommon for them to experience dreams of a huge serpent “mysterious, cold­blooded, [and] inaccessible to human feeling.” Which she describes as an “appendage of the negative mother” since it is the “phallus stolen from the father and used to guard inviolate purity.”

Yet again, we see Woodman’s own contradictory thought process here, as she notes that the snake embodies the witch archetype, associated with the moon, which symbolizes the “dark and impersonal side of femininity” and represents the capacity to renew itself. Much like the symbol of the ouroboros, which I have written about here.

Thus, to me, the snake is clearly a symbol of the feminine rather than simply a stolen “phallic” symbol of the father. Moreover, the snake is often associated with Eve and the serpent, as in this depiction of the story of Adam and Eve, in which Eve and the serpent share the same face, which I found on the ceiling of Saint Barbara’s Cathedral in Kutná Hora, Czechia (the Czech Republic).

Thus, it would appear that the snake, the dark feminine, and the death of the Ego function or one’s preconceived notions of the self have always been closely linked together throughout history.

Which is why it is so interesting to me that Woodman, of all people, would reject the wisdom of the Death Mother. For if she is to be associated with the snake herself, who throughout Neolithic Goddess worshipping history was praised for her ability to give birth in an asexual manner by not having to have direct access to a male partner for extended periods of time, then it would reason that the Death/Negative Mother and Black Madonna/Sophia are actually one and the same.

Or both the goddess and the witch. As are all women.

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Which is why I argue that we do not need to fear the Death Mother but rather see her as a force in our own awakening, for both men and women. That in her “cold” embrace, we are reminded of the finality of our lives and the boundaries of what we can and cannot control.

Moreover, in confronting our own shadow aspects of the dark feminine or Death/Negative Mother, we descend into her underworld, thus the more we come to understand ourselves. As Woodman herself notes:

“The daughter who can come out from under the skin of the negative mother will not perpetuate her but redeem her. The Black Madonna is the patron saint of abandoned daughters who rejoice in their outcast state and can use it to renew the world.”

- Woodman, p. 125, 1985

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In other words, only by confronting the witchy aspects of the Death Mother can we hope to redeem ourselves. And thus, the “death” we experience upon encountering the Death/Negative Mother is also the very thing that allows us to be reborn. Thus, the Death Mother or witch becomes the goddess or Black Madonna, or as I like to refer to it, the capital “G” Goddess, who, like the goddess Kali, knows she can both be the giver of life and the cause of destruction when boundaries need to be restored.

The two are no longer separate but one.

Which is ultimately what the Death Mother is meant to remind us of. Like Inanna/Ishtar descending into the underworld to meet her witchy sister Ereshkigal, when we are stripped of our clothes, jewels, and status, we have to meet ourselves where the spirit meets our bones.

I.e. where Spirit meets matter…or the mother…or the Soul.

Thus, it is there where the masculine and feminine principles or Spirit/Eros and Soul/Psyche merge together, allowing a new sense of the Self to be reborn.

Yet this can only happen if we are willing to face the wisdom of the Death Mother and confront our own mortality. To recognize our own shadows and disowned aspects of ourselves, and to embrace our inner “witchiness.”

Because without fully embracing the Death Mother as she is and finding wisdom in her coldness, we can never truly appreciate the light aspect of her. The Black Madonna/Sophia becomes an unattainable ideal that still limits and suppresses the voices of women, because once she is on a pedestal, she is no longer a human, but an object that can be manipulated and replaced at a moment’s notice, the second she breaks her carefully crafted “goddess” image.

Thus, it is the Death Mother who reminds us that our “perfect” images fueled by our light aspects need to be cracked.

That underneath our desire to fly into the world of the masculine Spirit (i.e., over-identify with our Ego and Veil functions), we are still raw, messy humans. Which ultimately reminds us of our animal impulses and our connection to nature, or “matter,” and that, like the snake or the ouroboros, we all return to the same source.

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Roby’s courses on her Yonic Theory approach, check out the resources below:

Yonic Theory: The Foundation

goddess-witch spectrum Course

The Yonic Journal

If you would like to donate to her Yonic Tarot deck creation fund, please do so through her ko-fi account:

Buy me a Coffee

Reference

Sieff, D. F., & Woodman, M. (2009). Confronting Death Mother: An interview with Marion Woodman. Spring, 81, 177–199.

Woodman, M. (1985). The pregnant virgin: A process of psychological transformation. Inner City Books.

Recently, I’ve become a bit of a “fan girl” of the artist Olivia Dean and her song “Lady, Lady,” which, as the music video demonstrates, seems to touch on a universal experience for us humans. Namely, the process of surrendering to the concept of “fate” and dealing with the constant changes we experience in life and the evolution of our self-concept.

But beyond the beautiful choreography and visuals of her music video, the lyrics and references to “the Lady” in Olivia’s song speak to me of the Roman Goddess, Lady Fortuna, the goddess of fortune.

In Roman mythology, Fortuna is often pictured with a cornucopia, as she is here, and was said to bring good fortune to those who worship her. Thus, in our modern society, this is where the concept of “Lady Luck” comes from, which we often see referenced within modern pin-up art or promotional memorabilia for places like Las Vegas, New Orleans, and other places known for casinos, gambling, and other activities that involve an element of “chance”… and therefore, tempting fate.

But that is only one side of Lady Fortuna, because while in her light feminine aspects (i.e., the goddess), she bestows her blessings and metaphorical “kisses” on those who pay homage to her. In her “darker” aspects (i.e., the witch), she reminds us that even when we think we are on the “right” trajectory or path for our lives, sometimes our egos must surrender to the fact that we do not always know what is best for us or that we can not change our fate.

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Which is exactly what I believe Olivia is singing about when she references Lady Fortuna in her song “Lady, Lady” as Fortuna is often represented also holding a spinning wheel in many of her iconographies throughout history as a reference to the concept of the three Fates themselves, who are said to spin and twist the string of our lives as we navigate the complexities of being human.

Thus, while Lady Fortuna is the feminine force that “blesses” us, she is also a reminder that there will be times in our lives when we need to embody the feminine within ourselves and surrender to her wisdom.

Or as Olivia sings:

God, I’m gonna miss this house
But I guess I’m moving out Sunday morning
All the things I couldn’t live without
I don’t need ‘em now
God, I used to love this hair
Now there’s something in the air, something calling
Overnight, the clothes I always wore
Don’t suit me anymore

This intro, paired with the soft melody and harmony of her song, is masterfully crafted to evoke a gut feeling of surrender, mixed with a bittersweet sensation of nostalgia that hits us at our core as humans. Namely, it touches on the fact that we spend so much time building our own metaphorical “houses” to provide us a sense of safety, yet oftentimes, as we grow and change throughout the course of our lifespan, those houses will need to be stripped to their foundations and rebuilt. Since as Carl Jung himself once said, the house is a metaphor for the Self, which I have referenced in this article when discussing the many eras of Taylor Swift’s career trajectory and how she herself used the house metaphor on her Eras Tour.

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Moreover, in the next stanza, she discusses the need to change her hair and the feeling that, overnight, something is calling her to alter her appearance, reflecting how we often feel the need to change our outer selves to match the evolution of our own inner worlds at different stages of our lives.

Whether that is by buying a new wardrobe, changing our hair color, or sometimes moving to a new location, starting a new career, or taking the plunge to try something new…

Yet I find these “drastic” shifts are not as “random” or sudden as Olivia sings about or we like to tell ourselves; often they start out as an inkling in the back of our minds or a pulling/nagging sensation in our gut, which grows over time until they are so loud we cannot help but surrender to their wisdom.

Because that is how the wisdom of the feminine and Lady Fortuna works.

She isn’t loud, she isn’t demanding, but she does show up with her wheel, reminding us that time itself is ever pressing down on us, so if we truly want to make a change, we must surrender to the wisdom of our fate and not fight against it.

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Which is perhaps why, like the Goddess Justicia (whom I have written about my frustrations with here), she is often depicted as blind folded as she is shown here in Fyodor Pavlov’s Tarot Deck.

Thus, to me, this card perfectly describes how I feel when listening to Olivia’s song, because it features the four elements (earth, fire, wind, and water), which ultimately remind us of what Lady Fortuna and Justice are meant to represent – balance and adjustment.

Or as Olivia sings:

She’s always changing me without a word
And I was just, I was just getting used to her
Keeps rearranging me a little bit
And I was just, I was just getting used to it

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Thus, as the “wheels” of our lives turn and shape us, there will be times when we are “blessed,” and our luck is “up,” and times in which we fall short, things don’t go as planned, and we have to be humbled and surrender to some unknowable force, which perhaps forces us to change and rearrange our lives ourselves accordingly.

Because as much as our Ego functions like to believe we are in control of our own destiny (a very masculine perspective), ultimately life is meant to teach that we have to live in balance with the universe and others in our lives, and when that happens, we ultimately have to surrender to the wisdom of Lady Fortuna and the divine timing of the feminine.

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That lady, lady, she’s the man
I think she got a master plan
It’s something I don’t understand
That lady, lady, she’s the—

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Roby’s courses on her Yonic Theory approach, check out the resources below:

Yonic Theory: The Foundation

goddess-witch spectrum Course

The Yonic Journal

If you would like to donate to her Yonic Tarot deck creation fund, please do so through her ko-fi account:

Buy me a Coffee

Starting with the Ace of Wands…

Jungian Tarot Ace of Wands

As many of you who have followed my Yonic Tarot deck creation process know, my deck is meant to serve as a visual companion guide to my Yonic Theory approach, which outlines women’s psycho-spiritual self-actualization process. Therefore, it is one part therapy, one part “spiritual” guidance, but ultimately it is meant to serve as a pathway to deepen one’s relationship with their inner feminine aspects of the Self - regardless of one’s gender expression.

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I began the process of creating my own tarot deck in April/May 2025, using AI to help guide the “rough draft” of my cards and the elements I wanted to include in my design, which I then printed out, traced, and changed/edited/added my own design elements to once I had a template established.

Thus, in many ways, my deck is a metaphor for how important it is to combine the “Spirit” of the mind, which governs reason, logic, and structure, which are associated with more “masculine” qualities, with the “Soul” of the artistic, intuitive, felt sense of the feminine.

Which is ultimately what I believe the practice of tarot can offer each of us, and is essentially no matter what path towards self-actualization one chooses to follow.

Thus, now that the drawing portion of my tarot deck creation process is complete, as well as the first rough draft of its accompanying guidebook, it is time for me to begin the process of painting and outlining my cards to get them ready for printing so that I can eventually make them available for purchase.

But which card to start with…

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The Ace of Wands

Oddly enough, the Ace of Wands was the very first tarot card I pulled for myself when I began reading tarot back in Fall 2022. Before then, I had received tarot readings and was intrigued by the practice, but I never felt confident in my ability to read for others or understand the symbolism of the cards…

That was until one night, I had a dream in which I found myself lying in a coffin and then subsequently ushered into a juxtaposing room where I saw a man dressed as a magician (an obvious reference for those familiar with this card) shuffling a deck of tarot cards. Thus, once he had finished shuffling the cards, he handed me his deck and told me I needed to acquire my own.

Since I am never one to doubt the wisdom of my dreams or my unconscious, even if I don’t entirely understand their symbolism at first, I took this mandate very seriously and the next day purchased my first tarot deck, which happened to be the Jungian Tarot deck created by Robert Wang, since during this period of my life, I was absorbing all I could on Jung and felt I needed to acquire a more “academic” deck as I navigated my PhD program.

Now, of course, a Jungian interpretation of this dream was that the Magician character was my Animus attempting to get my attention and thus “sparking” me to explore my love for tarot…and that is a valid interpretation.

However, a crucial detail I left out about this dream was that it was first a female figure who greeted me at my coffin, who then ushered me into the other room where the Magician was awaiting me.

In other words, it was the feminine, specifically a dark feminine aspect of myself, that led me to seek out the Magician who would “spark” new life into my subconscious.

Thus, in confronting my own symbolic death through the dark feminine, I was metaphorically “reborn.”

And this would be what Jung refers to as the role of the Anima, since Jung himself often equated the Anima as being the “purveyor of the Self.” Yet, in exploring tarot and my own and other women’s self-actualization process, I have come to understand that while Jung was insightful and his theory helpful for understanding the Self from a masculine perspective… There were a few things he overlooked…

Not to mention that he neglected to acknowledge that it was a woman herself, namely Sabina Spielrein, who ultimately represented his own dark feminine aspects, which would lead him to discover his own self-actualization process.

Spielrein

It is for this reason that I argue that Jung’s theory is just one side of the spectrum, the masculine lived experience in which the Ego and Shadow represent the light and dark aspects of the masculine principle – that which he called the Animus.

But what he failed to consider was that there is also a light and dark aspect of the feminine principle, or his Anima (that which I call in my Yonic Theory approach the Psyche/Soul), and makes up what I refer to as the Aura and Veil functions of the Self for all individuals.

Thus, I argue that Jung’s theory, while again a valid approach to reflect his and men’s personal experience of self-actualization, is only half the story, since it does not consider the feminine experience of self-actualization.

Which is what I came to discover through my tarot practice and the many female clients I worked with...

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What I discovered was that the more I leaned into my own intuitive understanding of the practice of tarot, and my relationship with the cards, their images, and the stories that would come to me when I was reading, the more I came to understand my own lived experience as a woman.

As opposed to just regurgitating and repeating the “high-brow” wisdom of the great (mostly male) occultists like Crowley and Waite, who again, like Jung, are valid in their own approaches…yet still lack the ability to fully understand the feminine perspective in the cards’ wisdom.

This is because their experiences, or their own interpretations of their cards, didn’t speak to me or my lived experiences. Or the women I worked with and interacted with experiences either.

It was as if these individuals’ desire to dissect and intellectualize the cards and their meanings overlooked the symbolism right in front of their noses, which held the truth of the magic of the feminine within.

And while I do think there is merit in this more intellectual approach which embodies elements of what I refer to as the dark masculine, it again fails to acknowledge the fact that one can not access the wisdom of the dark masculine without first surrendering to the feminine, as I had to surrender to my own death or Kundalini awakening in my dream to be able to listen to my dark feminine aspects (i.e. Aura function) to encounter the Magician.

Thus, in my Yonic Tarot deck, as I stated above, I decided to combine the wisdom of these traditional occultists, Jung, and my training as a Counselor Educator/Psychotherapist, while also leaning into my own intuitive wisdom to reflect mine and other women’s experiences.

Thus, making my deck and its creation process inherently feminine by design.

This choice led me not to the hidden occult societies and fraternities of the great “tarot experts”, but instead, to my grandmother’s kitchen table, my Celtic and Eastern European ancestors, and the folk and Indigenous healing practices of women all over the world.

It led me to my roots, back to nature and the Earth, and to the voices of women like Sabina Spielrein, whom history has ignored.

Most of all, it led me to understand how tarot can serve as a guide for women to return to themselves through my Yonic Theory approach, which is why I decided to label my deck the Yonic Tarot™.

So I share all this background and history of my deck and my own self-actualization process to say it is fitting that I am beginning the next phase of this journey in my deck’s creation with the card that “started it all,” the Ace of Wands.

© M. Robichaux, 2026 Ace of Wands for her Yonic Tarot™

And while this next phase will have many steps, as I will need to both paint and outline my remaining 79 cards before they are ready for print (yes, I added two cards). Not to mention revisit my guidebook, which I have just completed the first draft of, I invite you to join me in this process and consider supporting my deck’s creation by donating to my ko-fi account below:

Support my Deck

And while I can’t promise an exact timeline for the “birth” of my deck anytime soon (I’ve learned that my creative process is much more cyclical than linear and thus timelines always seem to become lost on me), it is my hope that by embodying a more feminine approach to my tarot deck creation process, the wisdom of the feminine is what shines through.

For I have learned that the more we surrender to the power of the feminine, the more magical our lives become.

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Roby’s courses on her Yonic Theory approach, check out the resources below:

Yonic Theory: The Foundation

goddess-witch spectrum Course

The Yonic Journal

If you would like to donate to her Yonic Tarot deck creation fund, please do so through her ko-fi account:

Buy me a Coffee

She is the housewife who has a few too many glasses of wine and makes a scene at the family brunch.

Or maybe it’s the helicopter mother who throws herself into taking care of her children – making sure they are never hungry or inconvenienced as a way to avoid looking within at her own reflection.

Or perhaps in her most “villainous” aspect, she is the adulterer. The woman who uses her husband for money, security, status, or convenience while she harbors her affection for another man, like the infamous Mrs. Robinson in the 1967 film The Graduate, who seduces the much younger Benjamin Braddock.

Yet even before the movie The Graduate and our modern-day “Wine Mom” culture existed, this archetype has been referenced in the ways women in the 1950s and 1960s would pop valium as “Mommy’s little helper,” just to get through the day, or even the old stereotype of housewives “screwing the milkman” when he came to visit.

But why is it that these respectable women, who have husbands who supposedly love and adore them, seek out such destructive behavior?

Moreover, why is this such a ubiquitous concept, to the point where movies, TV shows, and even the artist Laufey’s music video for “Madwoman” reference this trope?

It is because the image of the “haunted housewife,” as I refer to her, reveals something very uncomfortable for us to look at in our modern society.

Specifically, that women, even those who are in supposedly “happy marriages,” are deeply unfulfilled and unhappy.

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But how could this be?

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In part 2 of this podcast episode, I dive into why Fennell chose to center Catherine’s or “Cathy” perspective in her re-telling of “Wuthering Heights” using my Yonic Theory approach.

Thus, in this episode, we will discuss the symbolism of the characters in Brontë’s story, as seen through Fennell’s perspective, as a mirror for understanding the process of women’s self-actualization and how it is often thwarted in our modern society.

Robbie and Elordi as Catherine and Heathcliff

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What do all these men have in common? They are the “bad boys,” the ones the heroine knows she shouldn’t be with, shouldn’t desire, and yet she finds herself drawn to their darkness…because the darkness she sees in them is exactly the darkness she needs to reclaim within herself.

Thus, he represents what I refer to in my Yonic Theory approach as the Wildling archetype.

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Or to quote a song from our Queen, Taylor Swift, who no doubt has dated her fair share of “bad boys” like Matty Healy:

Just say when, I'd play again
He was my best friend down at the sandlot
I felt more when we played pretend
Than with all the Kens
'Cause he took me out of my box
Stole my tortured heart

- Taylor Swift “My Boy Breaks His Favorite Toys” TTPD

Thus, Taylor, the musical genius she is, reveals the purpose of the Wildling or “bad boy” archetype for women.

It is the man that women project their dark masculine aspects (i.e., the Daemon function) onto, whether real or imaginary - as the author of Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë, did with Lord Byron, who wrote the poem Don Juan and The Dream, which is said to have inspired her book.

Lord Byron

Which is why in this podcast episode, I reference a post I made just shy of a year ago, during the early construction stages of developing my theory on the role of the wildling archetype for women through my concept of the prince charming-wilding spectrum.

Thus, I go into the history behind this archetype and why women are drawn to these tortured male characters, as seen in Emerald Fennell’s 2026 re-interpretation of Brontë’s “Wuthering Heights” through the character Heathcliff, played by Jacob Elordi.

Heathcliff (Elordi) give off some serious Don Juan vibes, perhaps a reference to Bryon…

Thus, in part 1 of this two-part episode, I will discuss how the archetype of the Wildling not only inspired Brontë’s and Fennell’s telling of the story of Wuthering Heights, but also why Fennell decided to change Brontë’s original story to mirror our modern obsession with this archetype and what he represents within our collective.

Heathcliff (Elordi)

Namely, women’s desire to not only reclaim their “raw”, “dirty” and “darker” parts of themselves, but also their passion, creativity, sensuality and zest for life, which women are prevented from embracing….

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…but more on that in part 2 of this episode when I apply my Yonic Model of the Self to the character Catherine’s process of self-actualization.

Margot Robbie as Catherine

For now, let’s sit back and dive into the archetype of the Wildling and what dark, raw, passionate wisdom he has to share with us…

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Roby’s Yonic Model of the Self or the archetype of the Wildling through her Yonic Theory approach, check out the resources below:

Yonic Theory: The Foundation

goddess-witch spectrum Course

The Yonic Journal

If you would like to donate to her Yonic Tarot deck creation fund, please do so through her ko-fi account:

Buy me a Coffee

Resources:

Brontë, E. (1847). Wuthering Heights.

Fennell, E. (Director). (2026). Wuthering Heights [Film]. LuckyChap Entertainment.

Murdock, M. (1990). The heroine’s journey: Woman’s quest for wholeness. Shambhala.

Woodman, M. (1990). The ravaged bridegroom: Masculinity in women. Inner City Books.

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Perhaps it is because Beltane, which comes from the Old Irish word “Beltene,” is often translated to mean “bright fire,” and thus historically Celtic people celebrated this holiday with bonfires, the blessing of livestock, protective rituals, and other seasonal celebrations welcoming fertility, growth, and abundance, which serves as a reminder of humans’ connection to nature.

Moreover, this holiday also coincides with modern-day celebrations such as “May Day” which in many European countries is also celebrated on May 1st as their equivalent to “Labour Day” in the States, in which many farming towns will hold festivals to celebrate the coming of the beginning of summer by having children or young women dance around the May Pole thus reminding them on their connection to their pre-Christian or Pagan roots.

In addition to these remnants of the past, modern practicing Pagans and witches often connect this holiday to the rituals of the hieros gamos, or “divine marriage.” Which is sometimes referred to as the “Great Wedding” or the union between the God and Goddess.

Therefore, sticking with this theme of humans’ connection to nature, union, marriage, and therefore partnership and love…I thought I would take a page from my ancestors and return to nature as my source of inspiration.

For context, I originally wrote this post last Sunday morning, where I once again found myself sitting at the kitchen table of my parents’ home, drinking coffee and staring out their bay window.

This ritual is something I’ve become accustomed to over the past two years since moving back in with my parents, as this trend appears to be growing quite common among elder millennials these days. Therefore, I have taken to watching two cardinals, a male and a female, gather food for their nest, which they have built just behind my parents’ fence, as perhaps a bit of escapism or an attempt to find meaning in all the strangeness that has transpired since my return home.

And so in this post, I wanted to document my observations of these two creatures and what they have taught me about nature, partnership, and, of course, love, not only for myself, but also for my collective millennial peers and humans as well.

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Cardinals

It is important to note that when I first moved back home, for the first 3 months or so I only saw the male cardinal, who I’ll call “Carl,” when looking out my parents’ kitchen window, which wasn’t so shocking to me, since growing up, we would often see male cardinals hanging around my mother’s bird feeder, especially during the winter and fall months.

In fact, it is this association I’ve had with cardinals since childhood, which led me to get a tattoo of a male cardinal on my left ankle shortly after the passing of my paternal Cajun grandmother, Marie, with “OX” in her handwriting, which is how she would sign off all of her Christmas and Birthday cards to her grandchildren.

It was this practice of hers which subsequently inspired me to sign off all of my posts with her same signature move “OX”, because according to my grandmother, the clever woman she was, she said that it never made sense to her to put the traditional “XO” in her signature, because “why would you kiss (i.e. the “X”) a person before hugging them (i.e. the “O”).”

Therefore, she reversed the order of the two to make it more consensual. (Seems like a relevant message we could still use today in our modern world.)

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However, despite my association of red cardinals with my grandmother aside, it wouldn’t be until about 6 months, or the following summer, that I realized the male cardinal (i.e. Carl) was not alone during his visits to our backyard to eat the seeds in my mother’s bird feeder. Since it appeared he was also there to be with his partner, the female cardinal, whom I’ll call “Carrie”.

At first, when I saw the female cardinal (i.e. Carrie), I assumed that both Carl and Carrie were just passing through as separate birds and that they might do what animals do: mate and then move on from one another, as most bird species do.

This hypothesis of mine was also further reinforced by the fact that when I first started to notice the two birds, I would usually see one or the other, Carrie or Carl, but never both together at the same time. That was until later that summer, when I saw Carl feed Carrie for the first time.

Photo taken from https://birdfeederhub.com/facts-about-cardinals/, which is where I pulled most of my information about cardinals for this article.

Thus, there was something about Carl’s act towards Carrie that made me realize these birds were not just “passing through,” but in a partnership or “marriage.” Thus, ever since, I have consistently seen the couple together. Or if they are not together, I can usually find either Carl or Carrie just a short distance away, perhaps in the tree just behind the fence, waiting for the other to return to their nest.

Consequently, observing this pattern has led me to do some research of my own about cardinals and their mating habits…

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Partnership

It should be noted that my primary source for this information came from www.birdfeederhub.com, so I do not claim to be an expert on birds and their mating behaviors.

That said, I was shocked to discover that cardinals are mostly monogamous and typically mate for life or until one of them dies, which, in the wild, the lifespan of a northern cardinal (those indigenous to the southern and eastern United States) is typically around 3 years (though they can live up to 15 -25 years in captivity).

But more than this lifelong commitment to one another, the relationship between male and female cardinals highlights the importance of partnership.

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You see, during the mating season, it is both the male and female cardinals’ job to work together in order to build their nest using twigs, grass, and other material, which they typically build in dense shrubbery or low branches, typically less than 10 feet from the ground.

In other words, they both occupy the “home” space and take an active role in building its foundation.

This process takes about 8-9 days and typically occurs in the late winter/early spring season, as cardinals will typically have only one or two broods (hatchlings) a year, which typically occur around March and May (I.e. the season of Beltane). During that time, the female cardinal will typically lay 2-5 eggs each time, which will hatch roughly 11-13 days after she lays them.

Yet the partnership between these two birds doesn’t end there.

Unbeknownst to me, I discovered that unlike other species of birds who usually migrate after giving birth to their young, cardinals are permanent residents (i.e. they do not migrate) thus once the baby cardinals have left their nest, it is typically the male cardinal who takes charge of the young baby birds until their iconic red coloring sets in (which takes about a year), teaching them how to eat and take care of themselves. Thus, while the male cardinal is preoccupied with raising their young, their female partner will subsequently go off to focus on building a new nest for their next brood, since cardinals do not typically reuse the nests they built, even when they remain in the same general area.

Talk about a hands-on father…

Moreover, it is well known that male cardinals, in particular, are very territorial; I have witnessed my male cardinal friend, Carl, exhibit this behavior when fending off other birds (such as Blue Jays) and even some very large squirrels while feeding or caring for his young.

Thus, while it appears it is the female cardinal’s job to take care of the couple’s next home, and therefore the physical “hearth” of the domestic space, as she builds her nest to incubate her eggs. It is equally the male cardinal’s duty to protect not only the female and her nest from any predators, but also to take an active hand in raising their young with fierce conviction.

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Yet it is also important to note that the female cardinal herself is not “passive” as I have watched Carrie go out to collect food or items for her nest while Carl protectively watches over her. In other words, their dynamic centers on the concept of partnership, going back to the male cardinal feeding the female cardinals as part of their mating ritual.

Photo taken from my kitchen table view.

This act in and of itself shows the male cardinal’s ability to not only provide for his partner, but to protect and nurture her as well, by being humble enough to place her needs above his own. Conversely, the female cardinal has to accept this gesture from the male cardinal in order for the mating ritual to work. Thus, allowing herself to be vulnerable to accept his protection and trusting that he will take care of her while she takes an active role in building their nest and laying her eggs for their offspring.

Thus, in many ways, the male cardinal’s actions reflect the concept of “courtly love,” in which the masculine must humble himself in the presence of the feminine or “the lady” to win her favor.

Thus, unlike what we are usually told about the animal kingdom and male species mating rituals, this act isn’t done through the male cardinal asserting his “dominant” or alpha-male behavior over the female cardinal. (Though he can definitely access that “protective” aspect of himself when he needs to.) Instead, they must meet as equals, recognizing the strengths each brings to the table and how they can work together to create a home.

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Love

As I mentioned at the start of this post, as a single millennial woman living at home with her parents, it is hard for me not to think about love and partnership. Especially as I enter my mid-thirties.

Like most millennial men and women, I don’t think I was given good examples of what to look for in a healthy partnership – starting with my early media exposure.

Growing up like most millennials, I remember being exposed early on to “reality” dating shows, like Flavor of Love, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, Rock of Love, and I Love New York. This pattern has only continued, as we now have a whole host of newer reality romance TV shows, like Love Island, Perfect Match, and Love is Blind, which is now filmed in several countries, including Japan, Poland, Sweden, Argentina, Brazil, the UK, and, of course, the original US version.

But the hallmark theme across all these shows and couples (who rarely make it to the altar – let alone stay together) is that they center the “main character” or individual the film crew has chosen as their hero/heroine and their own storytelling, rather than viewing the couple as a unit or partnership.

And perhaps the most obvious example of this storytelling comes from the Bachelor/Bachelorette show format in which one lucky guy or girl is the object of desire for 20 or so individuals.

Thus, what usually happens in these shows is that the bachelor or bachelorette is forced to narrow their choice to two individuals who end up representing two extreme versions of an archetype.

For example, does anyone remember the first season of VH1’s show Flavor of Love starring Flavor Flav, in which Nicole “Hoopz” Alexander and Tiffany “New York” Pollard were pitted against one another?

Hoopz (left) and New York (right)

Aside from perhaps the obvious fact that Flavor Flav gave each of the ladies nicknames as a way of centering his own perception of them (i.e., effectively turning them into objects as opposed to humans), the final two women of the first season also represent the extreme categories women often find themselves in when competing for men’s attention.

Since this show first aired in 2006, my 14-year-old brain distinctly remembers the rhetoric and how it became seared into my mind. On one end of the spectrum, we had “Hoopz,” who was the chill, “cool” girl. She was painted as sweet, down-to-earth, “drama-free,” and could play basketball and hang with the Flav’s boys without being too girly or high-maintenance.

Thus, she fit the “Goddess” archetype of the goddess-witch spectrum, which I have defined in my yonic theory approach, which you can learn more about through my website.

goddess-witch spectrum Course

Conversely, New York represented the “Witch” archetype as she was possessive of Flav and struggled to get along with the other girls (i.e., the famous “Pumpkin” spit scene). Moreover, for whatever reason, she was not only highly sexualized by the producers of Flav’s show, but her weight also became a highly debated topic, just to further emphasize how “wild” and “out of control” she was.

Now, of course, anyone can look at that photo of Alexander and Pollard and recognize that both of these women were beautiful in their own right, so it was never about looks or weight at all. Instead, it was clever marketing and storytelling. Done by the producers of the show to make one woman look like the “Witch” and the other the “Goddess,” to center Flav’s perception of them.

Which is a motif we’ve seen before and is even referenced in my Lover’s card for my Yonic Tarot, which to support the creation of, consider purchasing a full subscription to see the image below.

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The central plot of the movie centers on a love triangle between Joan (played by Elizabeth Olsen) and her decision of which of her two husbands she would like to spend eternity with.

Choice A is Joan’s first husband, Luke (played by Callum Turner), who was her first love and died in the Korean War shortly after they were married, representing her ultimate Prince Charming archetype and therefore Joan’s Ego function.

Choice B is Larry, played by Miles Teller, Joan’s second husband of 65 years, who, compared to the charms and good looks of Luke, seems like the obvious second choice.

But Larry represents Joan’s dark masculine or Daemon function, the part of her that helps her embrace her flaws and her own dark feminine aspects (Aura function). Represented by her neighbor Karen, played by Olga Merediz.

So who will Joan ultimately choose in the end? Will it be Luke who reinforces her Veil function and idealized version of herself, or will she choose to spend eternity with Larry, who sees all parts of herself, the good, the bad, and who she really is?

Listen to the pod to find out!

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

To learn more about my Yonic Theory approach, purchase the Yonic Theory: The Foundation course through my website or explore my Yonic Journal, which serves as my sort of living “grimoire” for my research.

The Foundation Course

The Yonic Journal

Reference:

Brooks, A. (Director). (1991). Defending your life [Film]. Geffen Pictures; Warner Bros.

Freyne, D. (Director). (2025). Eternity [Film]. A24; Star Thrower Entertainment.

For a long time, I feel like I’ve been watching the impacts of therapy-tok on the collective, like a sober 35-year-old visiting a club and seeing the lights come on only to realize that no one else in the room realizes the party is over.

Jokes aside, I want you to ask yourself a legitimate question: whether you are a therapist, a client, or just a viewer of this content.

Has any of the information you’ve watched on therapist-tok actually been helpful?

Does it actually make you feel better? (Not just in the moment, but long-term?)

Do you feel more connected in your relationships? To your loved ones? To your significant other?

Or do you feel more anxious, isolated, distrusting, and lonely, and even more self-absorbed?

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While I do believe therapy-tok began with good intentions and with the goal of destigmatizing and normalizing going to therapy, lately, the content I’m seeing has me questioning its effectiveness.

Now I need to own that when I first began my private practice in 2020, I too got caught up in the therapist-tok trend, and even on this blog, I still struggle to know how much to share and how “candid” I can be.

Yet at the same time, I deeply believe in the importance of modeling human experience, and that I, just like all humans (clients included), have my own set of flaws and maladaptive coping strategies which I have had to and will need to continue to work on throughout the course of my lifespan.

Which brings me back to therapy-tok. While it is helpful to provide psychoeducation, I believe that the advice many of these “therapists” give is too generalized.

Because the nature of social media is to be well…inclusive.

What I mean by that is that the videos with the most “views” are the ones that the most people can relate to.

So, the more generalizable a therapist can make their content, the better it performs.

Which is why you, I, and everyone and their uncle now believe that they have ADHD, high-functioning autism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or BPD, and whatever else is trending these days.

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Yet, no one bothers to look at the number of viewers who watch these videos or how many followers these therapists who specialize in ADHD or whatever diagnosis of their choosing have.

Seriously, take a look at whatever “experts” you follow on social media and how many followers they have… Do they have 1 thousand, 50 thousand, 100 thousand, 500 thousand, or a million or more followers?!

It seems odd to me that these individuals who promote neurodivergence as being so “rare” would have such a large following…as if they are selling you a story that you are “unique,” “special” and “different” for having some generalizable symptoms which taken out of context of your daily life might look similar to the symptoms of ADHD or another diagnosis, without ever knowing your unique personal experience.

In other words, what these so-called experts are pandering to is our human Ego and our desire to feel “seen” and “special.” Yet we end up all sounding like the thousands of other people watching these videos who are convinced that they have ADHD or whatever trending diagnosis we decide is the new collective “fad” and that we can not relate to other, more “normal” people.

Which brings me to my next point: while social media is great for spreading information, it is also just as good, if not better, at spreading a LOT of misinformation…

Because ultimately to become more “popular” and position yourself as an “expert” on social media or therapist-tok – you need viewers.

So the more people who relate to your content, the more followers you have, the more subscriptions you can sell, the more books and courses and other content you can jack up the price for.

When in truth…none of those things actually get to the core “root” of an individual’s concerns.

Because the truth is, your specific set of coping skills, which you have developed, while similar to other humans throughout history, is still based on your unique experiences.

(It’s a “both/and” here for my DBT lovers…)

Which is why so many people these days can spout off which of the many diagnoses of the DSM they believe they have, and yet, do not seem to be doing any better.

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Because the real healing work is slow, sacred, and there is no “quick fix.”

It requires your story to be told and to have a witness who can sit with you in the dark as you navigate it.

This means that no TikTok therapist expert is coming to save you with the “magic cure” that we’re tricked into believing is hidden in these videos or the $800 courses they tell us to sign up for.

Which is why even in my own courses, which I promote on my website, I aim to be mindful of not claiming that anything I say alone is enough to facilitate the healing process, as I believe the role of the clinician, or to use my preferred term, “healer,” is the most important factor of all when choosing to undergo one’s healing journey.

Moreover, throughout history, when we explore the practices of female folk and indigenous healers across cultures, a common theme in these practices is that they took time.

They were slow, deliberate, humble men and women who didn’t position themselves as “experts.” Instead, they were usually someone’s mother or wife, or worked other jobs, such as being a seamstress or baker. They lived among their communities, as opposed to the online pedestal we now place these therapists-turned “experts” on.

This is where the fallacy of therapy-tok lies: it dilutes the sacredness of this work, reflecting how the very field of psychotherapy has diluted these healing practices in favor of more “Western” evidence-based theories.

In our current collective society, we focus so much on the cognitive aspects of healing that we forget about the human-to-human connection and its role in facilitating the integration of what I refer to in my yonic theory approach as the four functions of the Self, though I would argue this tenet is central to any healing approach…

Whether you are a Jungian Analyst

A Person-Centered Therapist

A CBT “evidence-based” therapist

A midwife or death doula

A Reiki Master

Or a traditional healer like the beregnje women of Croatia and the babičky women in Czechia, whose practices are very similar to those of other female folk healers across Eastern and parts of Western Europe, as well as some Indigenous healing traditions in the Americas.

...my point is, no matter which technique you try, the most important factor in gauging whether this approach will actually work for you is the healer themselves.

Whether or not you like them, respect them, and feel safe in their presence.

Healing itself is an inherently relational approach. Without the relationship, which takes time to build, one cannot heal. This is why I argue in my yonic theory approach that this process embodies principles of the feminine or Soul/Psyche, as women have often been associated with these more “feminine” traits throughout history due to our connection to motherhood, the womb, and, by extension, relationships in general.

On therapist-tok, there is no relationship building. Just an “expert” who claims to know what is best for you by making broad general statements.

And now, we’re seeing this backfire with experts like “Therapy Jeff,” who has recently been in hot water for his controversial statements, because there are some things you cannot make generalizable.

And while I personally believe that Jeff was trying to address a very controversial and difficult topic in his video, which I will not speak on. I will say that when you are working with clients with deep-rooted trauma and maladaptive behaviors, it is important to know that individuals’ lived experiences, as it will be different on a case-by-case basis.

That it will not be something, and it shouldn’t be something you blast on the internet to gain views or share with your following.

Which is why I think the age of “therapist-tok” and maybe in some ways…the “traditional” Western field of Psychotherapy is coming to an end…

In favor of something more true, more relational, and more rooted.

This would require all of us, therapists, clients, and viewers alike, to get much more comfortable with being human and owning our collective and individual shadows.

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

To learn more about the Dark Fairy Godmother and her research, visit her website.

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Now it should be noted that the Czech Republic and neighboring countries (Slovakia, Hungary, etc.) have a long history of paganism, which dates back to pre-Christian times, but reminders of these practices can still be found in many of their folk healing traditions (such as dying and decorating of eggshells during Easter and making corn husk dolls during the harvest season)…but I’ll be writing more about all of those later…

For now, let us focus on the history of building bone churches throughout Europe and what it can teach us about death, impermanence, and the dark feminine.

A photo of a skull and crossbones on the pathway I took outside the church (March, 2026)

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As a disclaimer, all the photos of the church in this post are from Google, since photography is no longer allowed inside the church due to the large number of tourists who attempt to touch (or even lick) the bones and post those photographs online.

*Cue the phrase: this is why we can’t have nice things…*

These reactions, while juvenile and disrespectful, were probably these individuals’ attempt to cope with the single unifying force which has the ability to evoke fear in all of us…death…and what happens to ourselves, our bodies, and our souls after we die.

This is nothing new…

People have always coped with thoughts of death and the confrontation of the morbid in peculiar ways. Some of us (like the bone lickers), in our foolishness of youth, attempt to make fun of death for a laugh or get views. Others avoid it entirely and refuse to enter such places. While others become enthralled by death’s symbolism and create works of art to honor it - a memento mori or “reminder of death”.

That is precisely what František Rint, a local woodcarver, did when he created his designs for Sedlec Ossuary in the 1870, using remains of between 40,000 and 70,000 people to create his works of art. Some of which he even used to sign his name.

But where did the bones come from, and how did they get there in the first place?

While it might be tempting to attribute the massive amounts of bones at Sedlec Ossuary to some sort of disaster like the plague, which did wipe out a large portion of the population in the 15th century, the original culprit of how the Bone Church got its bones is actually something we are all quite familiar with…

That answer is good old-fashioned capitalism.

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“Holy Soil”: Money and the Fear of Death

Throughout the Middle Ages in Europe, as the Catholic Church grew into a powerhouse, it was not uncommon for Church officials to make “pilgrimages” to the Holy Land, Jerusalem, and bring back jars of sand or dirt from what they believed to be the site of Jesus’ crucifixion. One of these individuals was Abbot Henry of the Sedlec Cistercian Monastery, who in 1278 returned to Sedlec Ossuary (which at the time was just a cemetery) with a jar of this so-called “Holy Soil” and decided to sprinkle it over the land in order to make it a popular (and expensive) destination burial site.

Because even when contemplating death, us humans seem to be preoccupied with our own greed and desire for vanity.

Now…whether or not this “holy soil” was truly from Jesus’ crucifixion site remains unknown, since, as most of you can probably deduce from this blog, when it comes to anything having to do with the Church during the Middle Ages, I tend to always approach anything medieval Catholic Priests said with a healthy dose of skepticism given their involvement with what would become crusades and the Witch Craze…

But nevertheless, whether it was to offer dying individuals and their families “salvation” or perhaps just a nice way for the Church to make a pretty penny, the concept of being buried in a cemetery that had this “Holy Soil” for a chance to be closer to God as a way to guarantee one’s entrance into heaven spread throughout Europe. Meaning that these plots of graves were sold to those families of affluence at the highest bidder. Thus, these “Holy Sites” like Sedlec Ossuary and others throughout Europe began to attract individuals far and wide who sought to be buried in these so-called “Holy” cemeteries.

Yet soon this posed a new problem for the Church…

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You see, the thing about cemeteries is that they are limited in size, and thus, when the Church ran out of land, they had to come up with a new and creative solution to keep making money.

Namely, they had to find a way to get rid of the bodies so that new ones from richer and more affluent families could be buried there.

So, in the 1400s, a Gothic church was built in the center of the cemetery, and thus older remains (i.e., bones) were exhumed and placed in a lower chapel (the ossuary) to make room for new burials. Moreover, this exhumation of bones of the previously wealthy families who had been buried in the cemetery happened to coincide with the Black Death and the Hussite Wars, which meant there would now be more bodies and, therefore, bones, which would need to be housed who couldn’t afford the newly “renovated” richer burial plots. Thus, this lower chapel served as a sort of collection ground of the dead, for both rich and poor alike.

The struggles of inflation and increased rent prices, am I right?

Over time, these bones grew into quite a large collection of human remains, so much so that when the Schwarzenberg family purchased the property in the late 1800s after the monastery was dissolved, they hired the woodcarver-turned-bone artist, František Rint (whose signature is pictured in bones as I previously mentioned), to organize the bone piles (see below).

And his masterpieces can still be seen today, such as the famous bone chandelier, which supposedly contains at least one of every bone in the human body….

Or the Schwarzenberg Coat of Arms, the family’s crest, which, in a very on-brand morbid fashion, features a raven pecking at the severed head of a Turk whom the Schwarzenbergs defeated during their rise to power.

Thus, concludes the story of how the “Holy Soil”, which was once used to bury the noble and elite or Europe, became a sort of manufacturing plant for human remains, which would eventually be used to create the morbid works of art now housed in Sedlec Ossuary or the “Bone Church.” Although it should be noted that in other bone churches throughout Europe (Italy, Poland, Spain, etc.), this story is also very similar, as human ingenuity always finds creative ways to deal with an abundance of bones in limited spaces.

All that to say that while my telling of the factual account of this practice might come off as a bit cynical, the truth is I think there is a lot of beauty and wisdom in these bone churches, like Sedlec Ossuary, which can be easily overlooked.

Especially, in regard to what they can teach us about death and returning home to the dark feminine…

Church as Metaphorical Womb

A common, lesser-known fact that I remember first hearing about when I was 12 or so, during the Homily portion of Sunday mass in my family’s Catholic church, was that in the 3^rd and 4^th centuries, many church officials viewed the church itself not as a building but as the Mater Ecclesia or “Mother Church.”

Take, for instance, this quote by St. Cyprian of Carthage:

“You cannot have God for your Father if you do not have the Church for your Mother.” (Puchkova, 2025).

In full transparency, I had blocked this statement out of my mind until my recent travels throughout Eastern Europe and Germany reminded me of it.

Yet beyond this statement, if we consider how the Church has used a more direct metaphor of the womb throughout history, it isn’t too difficult to see how the archetype of the Church itself is not only symbolic of the womb but also of the dark feminine.

For example, Saint Augustine and others often described the baptismal font as the uterus or womb of the church (Flierman & Rose, 2019) due to its yonic nature and how the holy water within its basin might be symbolic of the inutero fluid present within the womb. Moreover, Puchkova (2025) argues that this metaphor was deliberately done by the Catholic Church to evoke the symbolic imagery of the metaphor of a mother bringing a child into the world via the process of giving birth, which these men believed was similar to how the Church “gives birth” to a believer into spiritual life through the holy water of the baptismal font. Which, of course, was a reference to Goddess-worshipping healing practices that were still used by the female folk healers of this region (i.e., the Church’s “competition”) (Puchkova, 2025).

Thus, if we look at the shape of churches, which Carl Jung even argued were quite yonic in appearance, with their traditionally thick walls, dimmed lights, and echoing acoustics, they are designed to make us feel contained or “held” within the symbolic womb of the Mater Ecclesia.

To evoke an otherworldly sensation of being connected to something divine, something greater than ourselves, by entering a womb-like space to experience this transcendent process.

Thus, in accordance with my Yonic Theory approach, which you can learn more about through my intro course on my website. This metaphor of a womb as a container is not only indicative of the technique I refer to in my theory as the Yonic Principle™ but also of the dark feminine function I refer to in my Yonic Theory approach as the Aura function. Or rather the function which one must integrate in order to access their connection to the feminine principle of Soul/Psyche, which is needed to facilitate the process of self-actualization by evoking a metaphorical “rebirth”.

Thus, when we think of these bone churches in a way, they are quite poetic since we can think of them as containing the physical remains of human souls (i.e., bones) within a womb-like container (i.e. “Mater Ecclesia”).

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In other words, they serve as a reminder that no matter who we are in life, whether we are rich or poor, fat or thin, a nobleman or a commoner, we are all reduced to bones in the end.

When one visits these bone churches, it is impossible to tell which bones are that of a rich person, buried in the original “Holy Soil,” on the earth in which the church sits, or if they were of a simple background and thus just happened to be victim of the many wars or plagues that Europe has experienced across its history.

The bones all look the same, thus reminding us that even though we might encounter varying experiences in life, we ultimately return to the great cosmic womb or void of the ultimate mother, which I refer to in my theory as the Anima Mundi, or “world mother”.

Thus, while the bone churches are a symbol of memento mori or to remind us that “death comes for us all”, they also provide a beautiful metaphor for understanding death, and its connection to the womb (and therefore the dark feminine).

Because, in death, we return to the collective, back to the void and great womb from which we all derive. The Ego or “Spirit” masculine principle is released, and we become merged with the other (the “I” to the “we”).

Thus, by confronting our fear of death, we are truly facing our own awareness of our vanity and the importance of remembering our connection and responsibility to others, as well as to future and past generations.

Something our pre-Christian ancestors saw the value of, and can even be found in the yonic symbolism of the bone churches throughout Europe today.

That ultimately, to remember death is to honor our return to the womb and thus surrender to the feminine.

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

To learn more about my Yonic Theory approach, purchase the Yonic Theory: The Foundation course through my website or explore my Yonic Journal, which serves as my sort of living “grimoire” for my research.

The Foundation Course

The Yonic Journal

Resources:

Flierman, R., & Rose, E. (2019). Banished from the company of the good: Christians and aliens in fifth-century Rome. Al-Masāq, 32(1), 64–86. https://doi.org/10.1080/09503110.2019.1682864

Puchkova, S. (2025). The womb of flame: The pre-Christian origins of a Greco-Syrian baptismal metaphor. The Journal of Ecclesiastical History, 76(3), 493–512. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0022046925000077

Recently, the internet has been abuzz regarding the debate of whether or not therapists should be allowed to drink water or another beverage (i.e., coffee) while in session with their clients.

Need I remind you that this debate is nothing new…

Ten years ago, when I was completing my internship, I remember being explicitly told, along with a group of interns, not to drink water or anything during sessions so as not to “disturb the client’s process.”

Two days later, another clinician said it was fine to drink tea or water during the session and that it might actually “normalize” the client’s experience.

…I look back at this moment and I honestly still can’t believe we as therapists still fail to realize when we are engaging in over-rationalization…as if we have dehumanized ourselves so much that we must give ourselves permission to take care of our basic needs (i.e. hydration) by justifying it as a clinical reason which is therapeutic for the client’s benefit…

In other words…why can’t we - collectively as therapists - let ourselves be fucking human?

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And it’s not just drinking fluids…

We are told all sorts of arbitrary rules to follow:

“Don’t hug clients.”

“Don’t hand clients tissues.”

“Don’t tell clients you’re proud of them, it will foster dependency.”

And for every one of these so-called “rules,” there are hundreds of therapists arguing the opposite.

In other words, it is entirely subjective on the part of the therapist whether or not they choose to engage in these behaviors in session.

Yet, while we’re busy fighting over which therapist is “right” or “wrong” in this debate, what we seem to be blind to is how, in our desire to find a way to rationalize the normal human urges and functions we have in session, we have effectively turned ourselves into one-dimensional objects.

In other words, we have become soulless practitioners, focused on putting our clients’ needs above our own at all costs.

This isn’t normal, and this isn’t healthy.

In fact, it is quite damaging to therapists, who are already trained to be so hyper-aware of their own biases and reactions to others. To avoid “empathic failures” at all costs by engaging in bracketing and silencing their own inner emotional landscape.

This form of self-regulation takes a tremendous amount of psychological effort, and as a result, many therapists suffer from chronic unexplained pain or autoimmune conditions.

This stress and unpaid labor take a toll on us.

We carry it home with us after a long day of work, during which we hold space for everyone else, when there is often not the same level of reciprocity within our home and family lives to care for us.

…and yet, we were now questioning if the therapists are even allowed to have a sip of water…

a SIP of water….

I wish I could say this jokingly, but in other periods of history in which large groups of populations of individuals have been denied their ability to take care of their basic human needs, we have called that “inhumane treatment” or even “slavery.”

…so what makes it different for therapists?

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I can guarantee you that Sigmund Freud, Carl Rogers, Carl Jung, and Yalom did not give a fuck if they drank water in session or not. Because it isn’t about the goddamn water at all.

It’s about whether we believe as a society as a whole that therapists should be allowed to be treated like human beings and not just our emotional dumping grounds.

And this form of dehumanization of ourselves happens so early on in our therapist training. I see it all the time with my students who panic when they are “less than perfect” on an assignment, yet I try to remind them that as a therapist, they are human first and therefore not every session will be perfect.

That it is ok if you “get it wrong” because you are modeling what it is like to be human for the client, and perhaps that feedback might help them to realize how they are engaging in their relationships with other people.

That it’s ok to have an “off day” or a normal human reaction.

That it is okay if you need to take a sip of water, call out sick, or just need a fucking break every once in a while.

Therapists were never meant to be machines, and as I said in a previous post about the rise of AI therapists, we weren’t meant to be echo chambers for clients, either.

The therapeutic relationship was always meant to be reciprocal, but in our insurance-based world, which exploits the unpaid labor of therapists barely paying them enough money to survive, we seem to have forgotten that.

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For some reason, instead, we find stupid arguments to judge and shame ourselves and other therapists for being less than “perfect” as if our perfect therapist selves can really “save” clients amidst the looming threat of war, inequality in wealth, and so many other systemic factors the human race is currently up against.

I say this with love and a harsh dosage of truth to myself and my fellow therapists, but we have got to get out of our heads and stop putting ourselves on pedestals.

As I said before, we have a tendency to Madonnaize ourselves as healthcare professionals (teachers and nurses too), and this Madonnaization of ourselves doesn’t make clients or insurance companies respect our work…instead, it just makes it easier for us to be exploited and our needs to be overlooked.

The Madonnaization of Healthcare

So I say drink the fucking water, and if it upsets your clients, then perhaps use that moment therapeutically to inform them that relationships were always meant to be founded on reciprocity and human-to-human connection.

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

In this episode, I will not only apply my Yonic Model of the Self to Cassie’s tragic journey of self-actualization, but I’ll also discuss the themes around date rape culture, the “nice guy” myth, and how our society is set up to only believe female sexual assault survivors once we have turned them into martyrs.

The “angel” Cassie

***WARNING: This episode will discuss themes of sexual assault, dating violence, murder, and suicide ***

To learn more about my Yonic Theory or to learn more about my Yonic Model of the Self, purchase the Yonic Theory: The Foundation course through my website or the article on my Yonic Model of the Self through my Yonic Journal.

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So with that, let’s dive into Cassie’s journey of Anamnesis through the movie Promising Young Woman.

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

Resources:

Fennell, E. (Director). (2020). Promising young woman [Film]. FilmNation Entertainment; LuckyChap Entertainment; Focus Features.

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We’ve been so busy keepin’ up with the Joneses
Four car garage, and we’re still building on
Maybe it’s time we got back to the basics of love…

- Waylon Jennings, Luckenbach, Texas

I’ve been moving a lot slower these last couple of weeks. Perhaps that has to do with Mercury being retrograde, or, on a more personal note, maybe I am feeling the “lull” that writers experience after publishing two of the most seminal articles on my Yonic Theory™. A “project” which I initially planned to publish as a book just over a year ago, until I realized that this theory would need to metaphorically take on a “life” of her own, as she and I will continue to evolve.

Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that over roughly the next month, I will be traveling around Eastern Europe, the UK, and Germany as part of a “graduation gift” to myself for finishing my PhD back in 2024, and also part of an independent research trip to study feminine folk healing practices.

…or of course, it could just be the absolute sheer disillusionment of living in a system that is actively crumbling before our eyes, as millions of individuals across the world are suffering, being separated from their families and loved ones, all while the environment continues to erode and our fresh water systems dwindle because we’ve decided AGAIN that a war over which rich country controls the most oil is more important than human life…

(The correct answer is probably D. all the above)

Whatever the reason for this lull, which the perfectionist in me tends to resist with all her might, this past month of reflection has felt like a “reset.”

A time to slow down and become clear on the things I value, believe in, and want for myself and my life moving forward.

Whether I want to continue “keeping up with the Joneses” as they say, or decide to follow my own path and pursue what feels most true and authentic for me.

Which, the country artist Waylon Jennings might argue, is all about going back to “the basics of love.”

Luckenbach, Texas

While I was born and raised in Texas, I had never heard of the town of Luckenbach until I took a girls’ trip to Fredericksburg when I was 27. The trip took place on the weekend, which was originally scheduled as my wedding date and with one of my would-be bridesmaids, before I abruptly called off my engagement and decided to move back to my home state.

Needless to say…during this trip…”love” or at least romantic love, was the last thing I wanted on my mind.

After a quick hike and day trip to Enchanted Rock, a popular hiking/tourist spot in the Hill Country, my friend told me we needed to visit the town of Luckenbach on our way back to the hotel. I agreed but asked what was so special about this town I had never heard of, to which she responded, “You’ll see,” and then proceeded to play Waylon Jennings’ iconic song for me to listen to.

Spoiler: Luckenbach is a small rural town that has only two buildings in the entire town: 1) A post office and 2) A dance hall.

Yet, despite its humble appearance, the town is far from ordinary.

Thousands of people every year drive down to this small town and park their RVs or stay in nearby towns like Fredericksburg for local country music festivals.

Yet the symbolism of the town of Luckenbach for many individuals is more than just country music, beer, and “good vibes.”

As stated previously, it is a town known for “getting back to the basics,” as Jennings sings in his famous song, in which he references himself and the famous Willie Nelson and the “boys” or country music giants who have played at the town’s many festivals, which has given way to its fame and notoriety.

But Jennings’ song is much more than an ode to the town he was known to play his music at; it’s a desire to reclaim the “simple” nature of life.

As he sings in the course:

Let’s go to Luckenbach, Texas
With Waylon and Willie and the boys
This successful life we’re living
Got us feuding like the Hatfields and McCoys
Between Hank Williams’ pain songs
And Newberry’s train songs
And “Blue Eyes Cryin’ In The Rain”
Out in Luckenbach, Texas
Ain’t nobody feeling no pain

This is, of course, followed by the next verse in which Jennings states:

So baby, let’s sell your diamond ring
Buy some boots and faded jeans and go away
This coat and tie is choking me
In your high society, you cry all day…

When I first heard this verse, I was a bit caught off guard, and I remember telling my friend, I couldn’t imagine selling my diamond ring to move to a small town in Texas in favor of a “simple life,” but as I’ve gotten older, I find myself more and more wanting to find my own metaphorical “Luckenbach.”

And in some ways, I think my younger self always knew this would be the case…

When I ended my relationship with my fiancé, I actually did give him back my ring. I left it on the kitchen table one night for him to find, which, in hindsight, probably hurt him much more than I realized at the time. Only I couldn’t see it because I was blinded by my own feelings of pain and betrayal.

The reason I gave back my ring was not that I didn’t love it. In fact, it had been the exact type of ring I had wanted at the time. A prominent pear-cut center diamond cushioned on a diamond band.

Instead, I gave it back to him because, like Jennings’ words suggest, which perhaps is its own form of irony, I intuitively knew on a deeper level that for both of us the relationship had become something of a farce.

As Jennings describes in his song, my ex and I not only feuded “like the Hatfields and McCoys” (Two famous families in United States history who had another bitter (and bloody) ending.) we also were not living for ourselves and our relationship had become a way to “keep up appearances” (i.e., keeping up with the Joneses).

At the time, I had just finished my Master’s in Counseling and was working toward licensure, while he was a lead manager at an auto-parts store.

We weren’t living some “dream” fairy tale life filled with old money or Instagram fame. Neither of us had really any money to our names, despite us looking at houses and pretending that we could afford them. Moreover, we weren’t trying to be influencers or make ourselves “famous” on social media, but it was a farce because neither one of us was honest about what we really wanted.

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We didn’t live the “suit and tie” lifestyle that Jennings describes, but nevertheless, there was still pressure to perform. To buy the house, to get married, to have children. To “follow the rules.” The diamond ring he gave me when he asked me to marry him was a contract, an agreement that we both understood meant we were supposed to follow a “traditional” path.

Except I wasn’t ready for that. I hadn’t yet figured out who I was beneath the “in-group” rhetoric I was being told to absorb. The “good wife,” “good mother,” or even the “good therapist” I was being expected to play.

I was in what I referred to in my Yonic Theory™ as my Veil Function. The aspect of the Self that embodies the light feminine and seeks to provide us with a sense of safety by conforming to the expectations of others. No matter where one falls on the political or social spectrum.

And I’ve seen the extremes of both sides of this within different “in-groups”.

For example, in my own life, there have been times in my life in which most of my friends were mostly all “liberal” and queer or queer-allies, and I have felt pressured to conform to their expectations of me in order to belong. I have also been in social situations, particularly with my ex-fiancé, in which the majority of individuals were more “conservative” than I was, and thus I felt pressured to conform there as well.

This assertion does not make me “two-faced” or a “people pleaser,” though that has definitely been a light feminine quality I have struggled with in the past.

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What I am simply saying is that within these two groups, I often found myself agreeing with some of the shared values of both groups, yet also disagreeing with others; but there never seemed to be space to allow for disagreement or for me to reflect my own point of view.

Which brings me back to finding my own Luckenbach… eventually, we all have to decide when we have achieved “enough,” or rather, when we are finally going to stop “keeping up with appearances” and decide for ourselves who we are, what we actually value, and what we believe.

When we have acquired enough stuff, achieved enough accolades, gotten enough “notches” on our belts, and climbed enough metaphorical or real mountains to say, “no thanks, I’m good.”

At 26, I wasn’t ready to be married; I didn’t have enough “notches” yet. I hadn’t lived enough to know what I even wanted in a partner or what I would like for myself. And these notches were not just about romantic experiences. It was the part of me that wanted to advocate in professional spaces, present at state-wide and national conferences, obtain my PhD, build my own practice, and live on my own in different cities. Travel and see the world. To be able to do the things my mother, grandmother, and past generations of women were prevented from being able to do for themselves.

Yet, as is common for most women, when I left one extreme ( or what could be viewed as the traditional marriage or “trad wife” aesthetic), I swung hard into the opposite end of the “girl boss” social media rhetoric.

Except I wasn’t actually either one of these. Rather, it was the labels other people picked out for me to make themselves feel better about THEIR choices…

“Are you like us? Or are you like them?”

Or to quote another famous line:

“Are you a good witch? Or a bad witch?”

Better yet, known as the goddess-witch spectrum, which you can learn more about by clicking the link below:

GWS Course

Keeping up with the Joneses can take many forms, as the “in-group” is always changing depending on the period of history you are in, the color of your skin, your ethnic heritage, or even your religion. We’re seeing that happening now all across the United States, how people are having to reconcile their alliances, who they want to support, and what they actually believe.

But here is the thing: the ones in the “in-group” never stay at the top for long, or rather, if they do, it is because they sell their Soul to do so.

This is because, as Marion Woodman describes, individuals at the top are always chasing “Spirit” or the masculine principle of the Self.

The next “high”, the next marriage, the next sexual conquest, award, honor, or achievement, or the next 100,000 subscribers on their social media following.

And what that leads to is a deep feeling of dissatisfaction, and so to cope, they need a “bigger high,” another award, more money, more belt notches, more, more and more.

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And that obsession with what I refer to as the masculine principle of Spirit/Eros, leads to scarcity when not properly balanced with the feminine principle of Soul/Psyche. It leads to the selling of one’s soul and making Faustian deals with “the Devil,” in which the comfort of the “in-group” or “fame” or “money” or “status” becomes its own gilded cage.

“I have a whole room in my house to store and organize my influencer make-up collection.”

“I want another engagement ring for my 1^st, 5^th, 10^th, or 20^th wedding anniversary.”

“Fuck more bitches and eat more protein to get those ‘alpha male’ gains.”

“Publish or perish. You’re only as good as your last article.”

When the message is “do, do, do,” you forget what it feels like to enjoy and appreciate the climb and why you wanted to be on the mountain in the first place…

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The Simplicity of Settling

In my youth, I used to be terrified of the idea of “settling” in marriage, in love, in my career… to me, “settling” meant “giving up” or a life “wasted.” This fear once again stemmed from the ways the women in my family were not allowed to achieve their dreams, the ways they were not able to follow their “hearts” or the calling of their own feminine principles of Psyche/Soul.

When women lack choice, they default to survival. Logic or “Spirit” takes over. They perform; they overattach to their Veil functions; they become hollow versions of themselves; and thus, they course-correct. They seek to fulfill their Ego functions by “keeping up with the Joneses” - as I did.

I needed the accolades, the PhD, the bullet points on my entirely too long CV. I needed the awards, the achievement, because for so long, myself and other women were told not to have or want those things.

And then I hit my “mountain.” I climbed my metaphorical “Enchanted Rock.” I published my theory, albeit not in the way I initially planned, but nevertheless, it got done, and you know what - I like it better this way…

Because when you finally settle, that’s actually when creativity blooms the most.

When you stop comparing yourself to the “Joneses” or who is saying what on social media or whichever “in-group” you belong to, your mind and heart both become free to allow you to focus on what it is that you actually believe and whether or not you are happy in the spot you have landed.

I believe that for Waylon Jennings, Luckenbach symbolized this for him. A place that he associated with simplicity, where he could drink a cold beer, hang out with his friends, and get back to doing the thing he loved to do most – singing and entertaining others. That core essence of his Soul/Psyche, which made him feel most like himself, but connected to others as well.

Because in embracing the art of “settling” or the “simplicity” of one’s life, we end up discovering not only who we really are, which helps women reconcile their inner goddess-witch spectrum, we also find those in our lives who can actually see us for who we really are under the “veils” we wear.

We find the people who have also chosen to find their own path and chosen their own way of being, and that is actually how we get back to the basics of love.

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

To support my work, please consider purchasing a paid subscription or donating to my Ko-Fi account to support my tarot deck creation process:

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Yonic Theory: 101

The Yonic Journal

Initially, the card didn’t make sense to me. Raised by my mother and maternal grandmother - both strong feminists throughout my life, I initially associated the Queen of Pentacles with submission. The idea of the traditional or “trad” housewife is that of a domesticated, docile, and subservient woman to her husband.

So naturally, I rejected his reading as this couldn’t possibly be the future my higher Self wanted me to have.

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Yet, what I didn’t realize was that there was so much more to the Queen of Pentacles than meets the eye…

Over the years, I have come across many different interpretations of the tarot cards, but I remember reading one description in the Tarot Of The Holy Light deck that describes the Queen of Pentacles (or disks) as a representation of Sybil or an oracle, which has always stuck with me…

The origins of the name Sibyl come from the word sibyls, which was used to describe female priestesses at Delphi, dating as far back as the eleventh century BC. Thus, these women would have been seen as oracles or representations of the Goddess incarnate, whom men and local villagers would seek out for prophecy and guidance.

Michelangelo‘s Delphic Sibyl, on the Sistine Chapel

Yet, how could an oracle be associated with a Tarot card that has come to be associated with the modern “housewife” or “domestic goddess” in our modern society?

Aren’t priestesses meant to be alluring, hidden, and just out of reach, like we associate the Tarot card, the High Priestess, to be?

The Muse Tarot

And while, yes, a representation of the oracle can be the High Priestess, whom we have come to think of as a sort of goddess within the Tarot community, she is not the only mystical representation of feminine wisdom in the deck.

Take, for instance, the Strength card, or as Aleister Crowley labeled it in his Thoth deck- the Lust card…

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It was his response that caught me off guard.

Not only in his voice response, did he not bother to ask why I was interested in these two time periods in history, or either of these women. Instead, he just stated that he would like to see the “rise and fall of the Roman Empire” (shocking for a man - I know) and the moment of his birth so he could “watch the shift in his mother’s eyes when she realized she was now his mother.”

*Excuses self to go throw up*

Within a few seconds of hearing that response, I promptly unmatched him.

Now, some of you might read that response and think it’s not that bad or perhaps even sweet for a man to say about his mother. And that is the problem.

This is because we are so used to men centering themselves in every aspect of life that men themselves don’t even realize they are doing it.

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While it is natural for us as humans to want to know how we make an impact on others, there was something about the way he worded his response that indicated to me that this individual was still very much in what psychotherapist Jean Piaget would define as his Preoperational Stage of thinking with regard to his cognitive development.

As the name implies, in this stage, which is roughly between 2-7 years old (the same age range as Erikson’s Trust vs. Mistrust stage), children begin to speak and think symbolically, but struggle with perspective-taking, which leads to a preoccupation with their primary caregiver and a developmental normal level of egocentrism.

At this point, children see themselves as the center of the universe and have difficulty understanding why their caregivers (i.e., mothers) cannot constantly center them.

An example of this would be when a child’s mother goes to the bathroom to relieve herself, and within 5 seconds, her children are banging down the door trying to access her.

Again, I want to stress that the preoccupation with one’s mother or primary caregiver at this stage is very healthy and normal. Despite Western notions of individualism, we as humans are dependent on one another, specifically in our early childhood years and later adulthood, as we are less self-reliant at those ages.

The problem is that in our modern society, it seems like women are graduating from this stage and men are not.

As my Hinge match expressed, he didn’t want to see his mother give birth so he could empathize with her experience or consider how she might have felt. He wanted to see the moment of his birth through his own frame of reference.

“The moment in my mother’s eyes when she realized she was MY mother.”

His desire to go back and relieve this moment had nothing to do with his mother; in every sense of the word, he saw her as an extension of what I refer to in my Yonic Theory™ as the Veil function. An embodiment of the light or “good” feminine qualities within himself, which he most likely projects onto other women in his life in order to reinforce his light masculine Ego function.

But how did this come to be, and why are so many men like this in our modern dating world?

To answer that we need a bit of a history lesson…

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Cartesianism is a philosophical tradition derived from the writings of the French philosopher René Descartes, who was inspired by – you guessed it - many Greek and Roman male philosophers, dating back to the rise of the Holy Roman Empire.

Thus, it would appear that when it comes to understanding men, all paths do in fact lead back to Rome…

Descartes is probably most well known for his quote “cogito, ergo, sum,” which in Latin translates to “I think, therefore I am.” Thus, Descartes argues that only “truth” can one be certain of one’s knowledge of one’s own existence, which comes from the realization that one exists and is capable of complex human thought, which aligns very well with Piaget’s Preoperational Stage of thinking and what I refer to in my Yonic Theory™ as the Ego function.

And again, we need this knowledge; we need to understand that we are our own unique beings, that our stories and lived experiences matter. This is developmental, normal, and healthy…to a point…

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A couple of years ago, I saw a TikTok video of a young woman stating she did not feel the need to take Ketamine because she “experienced ‘ego death’ and empathy alone in her bedroom at 13.”

And while this video could be considered comical, it does reveal a deep and important truth regarding the ways cisgender men and women are socialized.

I would argue that, on average, most women move out of Piaget’s Preoperational Stage much more quickly than their male siblings and peers.

This is because, as I discuss in my Yonic Theory™, women are expected to center men and thus become fused with their Veil function, which praises women for their empathy and “light feminine” qualities. Therefore, women often don’t need an outside substance to metaphorically “kill” the Ego function, since often they are prevented from even fully forming one to begin with.

As a psychotherapist, I have heard so many stories of women learning it was “rude” to ask for their needs to be met, or being given caretaking responsibilities as young as 5, 6, or 7. Meaning that they did not get to remain in Piaget’s Preoperational Stage for very long before moving on to the higher levels of their cognitive development.

Yet appears that cis-gender men do not have this same gender socialization. They instead idealize the Cartesian notion of the Self: that if I think it, it must be “truth” and therefore correct.

This type of thinking, while healthy to a degree to build a strong Ego function so that the Self doesn’t collapse in the face of threat, can make it difficult to see other points of view. Namely, the ability to empathize with others, and specifically those of the opposite gender.

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Which brings me back to my Hinge date…

His statement about wanting to “see the shift in his mother’s eyes” was not about empathizing with her or wanting to understand how difficult the process of childbirth is. It was all about “Does mommy see me, and therefore do I exist?” And this is why I argue that we have the Veil function along with the dark masculine (Daemon) and dark feminine (Aura) functions of the Self in my Yonic Theory™.

We need to know we are seen by others, because in truth, we come from a mother, and thus the true Self was never meant to be independent of that.

The problem is, we become so attached to our Ego function that we only want to view others as pseudo-mirrors or “Veils” that reinforce our lightness and thus center us accordingly.

But when that happens, we end up with leaders who act like overgrown toddlers, sitting on their Golden thrones waiting for their mothers to validate them.

And perhaps no other field reinforces this notion of the Cartesian self more than the very field of psychology or psychotherapy, which loves to give mothers (and therefore women) a bad reputation.

Moreover, our modern training for therapists, the way we teach individuals to provide counseling or psychotherapy to clients, is all about reinforcing the Ego function.

While it is important to note that this process is generally helpful at the beginning of therapy to strengthen the client’s Ego so they can self-reflect, if a therapist is only addressing the “light” aspects of one’s psyche, it can actually cause individuals to become stuck, which can, in turn, make them more self-obsessed.

Thus, they might feel the need to become dependent on their therapists, or may, in turn, even find themselves madonnizing them as their pseudo mother figures, or in some cases, even falling in love with them.

And this is particularly concerning since most therapists are women, and thus this unpaid emotional labor is often expected, or even demanded by the systems and agencies which employ them, causing therapists in turn to further foreclose on their Veil functions in order to center the experiences of their clients, yet rarely ever do they receive this same type of support.

And while I do believe that the mother archetype can be helpful in a therapeutic context, which I myself have used with clients, and many female folk/Indigenous healers used throughout history to foster corrective attachment experiences. What is lacking in our current mental health system is systems of support for healers.

We are missing clear boundaries, legal protection, and financial compensation for this emotional labor, which requires therapists and women, especially, to give so much of themselves for very little in return.

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This is because we fail to acknowledge that the role of a mother is no easy task; even the process of giving birth is extremely painful. Often, women are in labor for over 8-10 hours, with no food, little sleep, and thus by the time they give birth, they are utterly exhausted.

Therefore, it seems quite vain and silly for me to think that after all that labor, a woman’s sole priority would be to look at their child and view him as the center of her entire world and universe.

Yet women are conditioned to say just that.

And while yes, staring at one’s child for the first time is a rewarding experience in and of itself, which I can only compare to how I felt when I published my theory for the first time, women are much more than the creations they “birth”.

They need time to rest, to recharge, to take care of themselves. For the men in their lives to look at them and say, “here let me help you, because you just did something so difficult and so hard, which I can not do.”

But that requires men, and all of us, to move out of our Ego functions and see women and healers as more than the “mother” archetypes they wear, that reinforce our un-integrated Veil functions.

It requires a new way of thinking about the Self, one that is interconnected and not so separate as Descartes believed.

A way of thinking that reminds us that women are humans too, and that our parents and the people we love in our lives existed before us, and that there will be people we love that we encounter in life who will exist after us as well.

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

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Yonic Theory: The Foundation

The Devil card in Tarot is often associated with addiction, restriction, oppression, lust, and what Carl Jung refers to as the “shadow self.”

Yet people often forget that in its light aspect, the Devil card, which I call the Daemon card in my Yonic Tarot™ deck, is also associated with self-mastery and integration of one’s dark or unconscious aspects/desires. As this card is associated with the Zodiac sign Capricorn, which is all about mastery of oneself in the physical realm.

In one of my favorite Tarot spreads, the Celtic Cross, there is a position that symbolizes one’s fears and hopes, as these are often two sides of the same coin. Just as the Devil can represent one’s shadows or restrictions as well as one’s path to salvation.

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In my own life, I have felt the temptation of the “Devil” or, should I say, my shadow self, as I have reflected on my past relationship dynamics and my own “addictive” tendencies.

Thus, the truth about the Devil/Daemon card is that this dark masculine aspect exists within all of us, no matter what gender we choose to identify with, which I refer to in my Yonic Theory™ as the Daemon function.

Yet it is important to note that the origins of the word daemon, which would eventually become our modern word “demon,” is a very interesting backstory in and of itself…

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Marzanna Mother of Poland by Marek Hapon (2014)

Six key themes and subthemes emerged from this interview, which include:

1. The healing practices the women in Ewa’s family used.

2. How intuition or “Intuicja” was used by the women in Ewa’s family as a form of protection.

3. The pressure to “keep up appearances” and the influence of religion on Ewa’s up-bringing.

4. The importance of humility and reverence for “the beyond.”

5. Generational family wisdom, specifically passed down through the women of her family.

   and finally….

6. Ewa’s own experience of coming “home” to the dark feminine, which I have applied to my Yonic Model of the Self using my Yonic Theory™ approach.

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I cannot stress enough my gratitude to Ewa and the women of her family for sharing her wisdom with me and with all women, so that this form of feminine wisdom can be documented for future generations! Therefore, if you are so moved to, please consider making a donation or purchasing a copy of this article so that I can continue my research on the wisdom of the feminine and support other healers as well.

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You can also learn more about my Yonic Theory™ approach or my Yonic Model of the Self by purchasing the intro course on my website via the link below:

Yonic Theory: The Foundation

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Suggested Citation:

Robichaux, M. (2026). Intuicja and Polish healing traditions: An interview with Ewa Marcinkiewicz, LPC. The Yonic Journal, 2(3), 1-41.

I’ll discuss the challenges of “girl world” that Cady (Lindsey Lohan) must navigate, which reflect women’s difficulty navigating their own journeys of self-actualization in our modern world.

I’ll also discuss how the characters Regina and Janis represent Cady’s inner light and dark feminine aspects and how she must learn to reconcile what I refer to as the goddess-witch spectrum.

For example, Janis (played by Lizzy Caplan) represents Cady’s non-comforming dark feminine Aura function, who can see right through the plastics as she, herself, has been personally victimized by Regina George.

She is also usually pictured with Damian (played by Daniel Franzese), who represents Cady’s dark masculine Daemon function.

But the “Queen Bee” herself, who represents Cady’s Veil function, is the one and only Regina George (played by Rachel McAdams).

Thus, she represents the internalized misogyny and “light feminine” aspects Cady and the other girls in her high school must confront within themselves, which keeps them stuck engaging in competition with one another for externally based forms of male-centered validation.

Thus, Aaron Samuels (Jonathan Bennett) represents Cady’s “prince charming” archetype and Ego function. The external light masculine form of approval she seeks until she is able to fully embrace all parts of herself.

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

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For more information on my Yonic Theory, check out my intro course linked below:

Yonic Theory: The Foundation

Resources:

Yonic Journal Website

Podcast Episode on Yonic Model of the Self

Dark Fairy Godmother Substack

Goddess-Witch Spectrum Course

Buy me a Coffee - KoKi Account

Reference:

Waters, M. (Director). (2004). Mean girls [Film]. Paramount Pictures.

Wiseman, R. (2002). Queen bees and wannabes: Helping your daughter survive cliques, gossip, boyfriends, and the new realities of girl world. Crown Publishers.

Bradley, Marion Zimmer. (1984). The mists of Avalon. New York :Ballantine Books.

In this episode, we’ll unpack the 2024 movie If I Had Legs I’d Kick You, starring Rose Byrne as the character Linda, and why every woman should watch this movie.

Specifically, we’ll cover four themes:

1. The invisible labor of the feminine, or what I call the “Motherhood Tax”

This is represented by the character Linda (Byrne), who experiences the emotional and mental strain as a result of her constant emotional and physical caretaking of her child and clients as a psychotherapist.

2. Caregiver Burnout and the Failure of Institutionalized Psychotherapy/Self-Care Culture

Represented by the disgust and judgment she receives from her co-worker/therapist (played by Conan O’Brien), who appears to be constantly annoyed with her and how she herself is struggling to keep up with the demands of being a therapist and a full-time caregiver.

3. The Dark Feminine and Female Rage

Represented by the giant hole in her ceiling, which serves as a metaphor for her unintegrated dark feminine Aura function, she is pictured here looking at it with the character James (played by A$AP Rocky).

And finally 4. Filicide: A Reflection of Society’s Failed Maternal Support

Indicating how society itself sets up mothers and womb-possessing individuals to fail under the crushing weight of motherhood.

Buckle up, because this trip into the dark feminine is going to be one hell of a f**king ride!

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

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For more information on my Yonic Theory, check out my intro course linked below:

Yonic Theory: The Foundation

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A photo of my 9-year-old self on my First Communion (like the “good” Catholic girl I was raised to be) with my grandmother, Marie.

While perhaps this may be a bit of an over-exaggeration. In truth, the practice of alchemy, which has been associated with the philosopher’s stone, ouroboros, and even Carl Jung’s notion of the transcendent function, is not so different in my experience from the art of making gumbo.

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What Makes a Good Gumbo

For me, a good gumbo must have two things: Okra and what Cajuns and Creoles in Louisiana call the “Holy Trinity.”

The Holy Trinity is a bit misleading because it is actually a mix of equal parts onion, bell pepper, and celery. Similar to the French mirepoix, which inspired this vegetable melody featured in many Cajun and Creole cuisines.

This is because Louisiana was largely under French rule for most of its history, aside from a brief period during which time it was owned by the Spanish, prior to its absorption into the United States. Therefore as more and more French settlers migrated from France to Louisiana they began to “blend” with the Afro-Caribbean and Indigenous peoples in the surrounding areas of New Orleans creating the “Creoles.” Thus this merging and blending of cultures and traditions created new forms of cuisine as a result of the use of local resources available to them.

Which brings me to the second ingredient, okra.

To me, gumbo is not gumbo without okra, because the word for gumbo itself is said to have derived from the African word for okra. Therefore, if one wants to properly make gumbo, they need both okra and the Holy Trinity to make it.

Picture of my most recent batch of gumbo during the past winter “freeze”.

When the Cajuns came to Louisiana through their own diaspora as a result of the Le Grand Dérangement during the Seven Years War, they also merged with many of Creole and Indigenous individuals within the swamplands (I.e. bayous) of Louisiana. Thus once again merging their cultural customs and traditions.

Thus, even before the process of cooking begins, gumbo teaches us a lot about life and alchemy. About how two very separate cultures (French and African) can merge together to create something new. As is true with many Louisiana-based dishes I saw my grandmother make, such as jambalaya, which is said to be influenced by the Spanish paella, and also features the Holy Trinity.

Therefore, cooking gumbo or jambalaya has always symbolized to me a connection to one’s past, roots, and heritage, and bringing together resources to create something new. Much like the Tarot card, the Three of Pentacles

© M. Robichaux, 2026 draft of 3 of Pentacles for her Yonic Tarot™

In this image, we see a grandmother, her granddaughter, and a female “spirit” figure. (Perhaps the grandmother’s mother or another female relative.) Thus, there are 3 generations of women present. Or a maiden, a mother, and a crone.

Furthermore, to honor gumbo’s Afro-Caribbean origins, I decided to depict these women as Black or African American, which will be reflected in the final image of my design once I have added color to my cards.

Moreover, we see the Holy Trinity depicted in the bottom-right corner, symbolizing the “part” each of these vegetables plays in working together to create the gumbo, as well as the transmission of intergenerational wisdom.

Finally, in the middle of the image, where the 3 pentacles sit, we have the gumbo pot, or in this case, a cauldron, which is not only a direct reference to alchemy but to the womb or yoni itself.

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The Alchemy of Gumbo

According to feminist scholar Barbara Walker (1983) cauldron’s have long symbolized women’s connection to their wombs, which I discuss in my latest journal article on my concept called the Yonic Principle™

To access this article or the Yonic Journal™ visit the link below:

The Yonic Journal

Therefore, it is in the “womb” (i.e., cauldron) that opposing forces mix and merge with one another, breaking down to form something new.

Thus, if we compare the process of cooking gumbo to alchemy, it follows a similar pattern…

Feminist scholar and mythologist Sharon Blackie (2022) noted that Carl Jung was fascinated by the practice of alchemy throughout his life, which he applied to his understanding of individuation. Those three stages of alchemy Jung identified are nigredo, albedo, and rubedo.

In the first stage of nigredo, contents within the unconscious, or a gumbo pot, are “blacked.” In other words, they are “cooked down” so that they can soften and merge together. Much like how one must make a roux, by “browning” (AKA: cooking down) the flour and fat mixture to create the base for the gumbo.

In the second stage, albedo, fire and heat is used to transform the ingredients as the Holy Trinity is added to the pot. Thus, there is a breakdown of the ingredients’ old structure so that they can merge with the other ingredients. This means that instead of remaining separate from the roux, all the contents merge to create something new, leading to the third and final stage: rubedo.

This process is all done within the context of the gumbo pot, or cauldron, which reflects what I refer to as the Yonic Principle™. Thus, the womb is the vehicle through which this transformation occurs, much like the merging of opposites within a human womb might lead to the birth of a child if a woman chooses to become pregnant and carry that life to term. Or within the realm of psychology, the merging of one’s conscious and unconscious aspects to provide a symbolic “rebirth” of the Self.

Therefore, I argue, that much like the notion of the Holy Grail in many Arthurian legends, the grail or cauldron, or in this case, the gumbo pot, all symbolize the same thing – the healing powers of the feminine or the Yonic Principle™.

Therefore, as I said above, it appears that I did learn a great deal about the meaning of life at 6 years old from watching my grandmother make gumbo – only I didn’t have the words to describe what I knew at the time.

Or rather, this form of wisdom, which is inherently rooted in the feminine, wasn’t justified by the “knowledge” I was being taught to absorb through my educational training and Western male-dominated Spiritual traditions.

In truth, I think many mystics and male theorists like Carl Jung, while brilliant, spend their whole lives trying to uncover what women intuitively know. Namely, that alchemy, psychology, mysticism, the “divine” or whatever we choose to define it as, is not so different from nature itself. That it all circles back to the womb, and the merging of the opposites – the masculine and the feminine, or the conscious and the unconscious.

These opposing forces bump into one another, clash, merge, “make love,” and create something new. Something that has roots in both worlds, and yet at the same time, is unique on its own.

Just like gumbo.

Only this alchemy isn’t happening at fancy lecture halls or secret occult societies. It is happening right in the kitchens of our grandmothers. Created by the hands of the women who shaped us, who carried a piece of us when our mothers were being first formed in their wombs.

And I don’t about you, but that seems pretty damn magical to me…and perhaps we might consider that to be the purest form of alchemy.

OX

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

To learn more about the author’s Yonic Theory™ or her concept of the Yonic Principle™ purchase the article through her Yonic Journal or listen to her podcast episode on this topic below:

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Reference

Blackie, S. (2022). Hagitude: Reimagining the second half of life. New World Library.

Walker, B. G. (1983). The woman's encyclopedia of myths and secrets. Harper & Row