The Dark Fairy Godmother: Yonic Tarot

But what is it about the archetype of Ophelia that holds such a grip on our collective psyche for both men and women?

For men, I find they often view this figure as a tragic maladaptive representation of the High Priestess card in Tarot. A maiden figure who was overcome with her own psychic energy, which men often perceive as holding the key to their redemption arc by either viewing her as a muse or a goddess to win the favor of. (Or in many cases someone they need to “rescue” from her own misfortune.)

Yet for women, she represents both a cautionary tale and also the promise of immortality. A double-bind that often leads women to develop what some mental health professionals and psychotherapists have coined as the “Ophelia complex or syndrome,” which is used to describe women who become too fused with this archetype, unable to separate themselves from her tragic, yet somehow alluring grasp.

One such example of this is psychotherapist Mary Pipher’s 1994 book Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, in which she used the character of Ophelia to examine the external societal pressures adolescent girls’ face and how it leads to a loss of their internal sense of themselves (or locus of control) as they attempt to navigate their transition into adulthood. She and other psychotherapists such as my former professor and mentor, Dr. Laura Choate, have discussed how these pressures can lead to a host of mental health issues for women, including depression, anxiety, and disordered eating concerns, and, of course, suicide, as was such for Shakespeare’s ending of her character in his iconic play.

And while some modern adaptations of her story, such as Daisy Ridley’s portrayal of her in the 2018 film Ophelia (Which retells Hamlet from Ophelia’s perspective), or Swift’s song, attempt to provide her character with a much happier fate. We nevertheless appear to both mourn and simultaneously madonnize women who embody these tragic “Ophelian” qualities, raising them up to achieve the status of postmortem icons. As this has been the case for women like Princess Diana and Marilyn Monroe who met their death too soon or for female writers like Sylvia Plath and Virginia Woolf, both of whom, like Ophelia, chose to take their lives as a result of the pressure they felt living under a restrictive patriarchal society that refused to acknowledge their writings or literary genius. (That is, of course, until after they died.)

Virginia Woolf

Thus, as I stated above, the archetype of Ophelia is not only a cautionary tale for women, her image also promises something else for women as well. The chance to remain immortal – trapped forever in a state of eternal girlhood or the Puella Aeterna, often considered the female counterpart to Carl Jung’s Puer Aeternus, or “eternal boy,” which I have written about here.

Thus, this tendency to uplift her tragic image and turn her into a muse is a result of what I refer to in my Yonic Theory approach as the goddess-witch spectrum, or the process by which women and men separate themselves and other women into goddesses or witches, which results in women who embody this tragic loss of innocence being elevated to that of the status of the goddess as this maiden archetype is often associated with another puella – Persephone, who like Ophelia in Shakespeare’s play was pulled down to the depths of the underworld by a man who wanted to consume her for his own selfish gain (or at least that is one variation of the myth).

Gian Lorenzo Bernini, Rape of Proserpina, 1621-1622

Thus it becomes tricky for women to navigate the archetype of Ophelia as they enter their teen and early adult years, since on one hand, by embodying her more seductive and light feminine qualities women can receive recognition, validation and approval from men which I, Pipher and Choate have discussed at length. Yet at the same time, this tendency to seek out external recognition from men often directly results in women become “lost” from themselves and becoming fused with what I have defined in my Yonic Theory approach as women’s Veil function.

Thus, in order for a woman to self-actualize, it is imperative that she break free from the allure of the Ophelia complex, which can as stated above can also be viewed as comparable to the maiden archetype given her association with the puella and Persephone.

Yet how do women achieve this when there are so many pressures in our modern society which prevent them from listening to their inner selves? How does one separate themselves from seeking the approval of male-based validation, while also maintaining healthy relationships with men? And moreover, how do women learn to reclaim their witchy aspects, which, if Ophelia and the women who fall victim to her same archetype had been able to successfully integrate their own dark feminine (Aura) aspects, may have saved themselves from falling under her same curse?

Reclaiming the “Lost” Daughter

It is these questions and my own experience working with women and navigating my own experiences of womanhood that have led me to create my Yonic Theory approach. Though in truth I would like to acknowledge that this theory is not solely my creation, as it has been influenced by many individuals’ research and myths about women which have existed long before me or the field of psychotherapy existed.

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Thus, when attempting to create a tarot deck to reflect women’s self-actualization process, I, like many of the artists I referenced at the beginning of this post, was inspired by the image of Ophelia, as I believe there is something about her image that is particularly important for women to recognize within themselves.

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OX, DFG

Namely that she represents the archetype of the “lost daughter,” which is where I find that most women begin their process of self-actualization. Since as psychotherapist Maureen Murdock herself noted, women often begin their self-actualization process after a period of intense striving for external approval, only to discover that they have become disconnected from themselves and their internal sense of knowing.

Thus, while I believe the Fool card in most Tarot decks is a great representation of men’s self-actualization process, for individuals who identify as primarily cisgender women, this card, as it is traditionally depicted, misses a few key elements. As women’s self-actualization process follows what Murdock coined as the Heroine’s Journey, a feminine counterpart to Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey, which has heavily influenced not only my Yonic Theory approach, but the construction of my tarot deck.

Therefore, while there is merit to the archetypal process of the Hero’s Journey, which the Fool’s journey in tarot is often compared to, without a deck that is truly rooted in the feminine experience, this process for women essentially becomes like trying to drive a car in a foreign country without a GPS or road map for women to guide themselves.

And while women might be able to apply many of the stages of Campbell’s work or even the work of great male psychotherapists such as Jung and Freud to their experience, there will fundamentally be a gap in these men’s knowledge or understanding of the feminine experience for they lacked the gender role socialization and lived experiences which causes women to identify with the Ophelia complex or “lost daughter” archetype in the first place.

Finding our way Home

It should be noted that just like the Fool card which can be seen in both a positive and negative (or adaptive and maladaptive) perspective, so too can the card of the Lost Daughter in my Yonic Tarot be viewed in the same way. As some modern decks such as Lisa Sterle’s Modern Witch Tarot provide a feminist reinterpretation of this card’s imagery.

Thus, like the term “fool,” which can represent someone who is “foolish” and unaware of the dangers they face, the word “lost” is meant to represent how women must reclaim the lost aspects of themselves in order to make their journey home to themselves.

Thus, in its maladaptive representation of the card, the term “lost” describes a woman who has succumbed to her Ophelia complex, and thus she is “lost” to the world of men. Trapped in an endless cycle of seeking external validation, which could lead her to face her ultimate end if she is not careful - just as the fool’s journey could lead him to his ultimate end as well.

Hence, why I drew inspiration from Sir John Everett Millais’ depiction of Ophelia when designing my card, as the woman in my card is shown lying in a body of water surrounded by flowers just as Ophelia’s body was found.

Moreover, her white dress is meant to evoke a sense of innocence: that she is still in her maidenhood or that this has been taken from her, and thus she must discover who she is outside of this archetype of herself.

Therefore, from an adaptive perspective the term “lost,” much like the adaptive interpretation of the Fool card, might simply denote a woman who is in the process of discovering herself and does not yet realize her highest potential. For sometimes we need to become lost to realize the strength we hold within ourselves, which is done through completing the process of Anamnesis, or “coming home to one’s inner knowing.”

It’s also important to note that getting lost can be quite fun, as I have been known to purposely “get lost” when traveling and visiting other countries and finding unusual pit stops along my travels.

Thus, getting lost in life is simply part of the process, and it is occasionally through these periods of being lost that you might discover something new about yourself: a new food you enjoy, a new culture, a new language, or a conversation that sticks with you, a song, or even a dream that reminds you of some part of yourself you’ve kept tucked away. A calling to return to that source – whatever it may be.

And it is this call to return to ourselves, to source that pushes women to complete the process of Anamnesis.

A process which requires women to integrate both their masculine and feminine aspects, which is reflected in the full solar eclipse pictured at the top of the card and is often associated with periods of symbolic and astrological rebirth.

In addition, next to the eclipse there are 7 stars pictured, to represent the 7 chakras and being in alignment with oneself. Thus, like the Fool, the Lost Daughter already has everything she needs to complete her journey back home, as her loyal friend and companion (her cat, an animal often associated with embracing one’s feminine aspects) watches over her knapsack on the shore.

Thus, whether the Lost Daughter is experiencing a rebirth, a reawakening, or just simply enjoying a long swim and a moment of rest on her journey, she knows that eventually, she must begin her journey home as the number zero on this card (which has no beginning or end) represents the cyclical nature of life itself and how our journeys towards self-actualization (regardless of how we chose to identify our gender) are always evolving.

Thus, the wisdom of the Lost Daughter is not for women to fear falling victim to the Ophelia complex, but rather to see it as a natural evolution in one’s growth towards returning home to themselves.

For the tragedy of Ophelia wasn’t that she fell victim to Hamlet’s charms, who “deflowered” her and killed her father; it was that she perceived she had no other choice than to conform to his frame of reference of her.

That she had become so lost from her inner self in seeking the external approval of her father and Hamlet under the male gaze of the patriarchal court of the Kingdom of Denmark that she could not make her way back to her own unconscious feminine aspects. Her intuition, her inner knowning, all of which would have required her to disown her light feminine muse-like qualities and reclaim her darker witch-like aspects.

This means that for women, allowing themselves to fall off the pedestal of the goddess archetype, is necessary. Since ultimately attempting to constantly strive to fulfill this archetype will led to their downfall. Since as we are all too well aware of as women, none of us can always be perfect, and as history has taught us, those women who try to be, often end up meeting their graves prematurely.

And while I don’t believe it is possible for women to completely avoid experiencing the Ophelia complex, since as I said this appears to be the catalyst for women entering their self-actualization process, my hope with this deck is that it offers somewhat of a road map, so that women can reconcile their goddess and witch aspects and eventually come home to themselves.

As process which inherently requires women to turn inward and face themselves as they descend into the watery depths of their unconscious which houses the realm of the feminine for both men and women alike.

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Roby’s courses on her Yonic Theory approach, check out the resources below:

If you would like to donate to her Yonic Tarot deck creation fund, please do so through her ko-fi account:

@jamesbrookstinnett It’s Time!!! August always starts the ber months for me! #capcut #fall #jackblack #halloween #meme

Autumn, Fig Trees and Choices

Dark Fairy Godmother — Mon, 03 Aug 2026 20:02:59 GMT

It’s officially August, which means we are entering the end of the summer season.

Here in the South, that means preparing for football season, Halloween, and pulling out all our autumnal-themed sweaters, even though it is 100 degrees Fahrenheit outside while we wait patiently for all the fall-themed seasonal goodies to drop.

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Yet, despite the lack of cooler weather we typically experience in my neck of the woods (aside from a random cold front in October or November), the fall and subsequent winter season tend to be the times of the year that I most look forward to.

Which is probably in part why I decided to schedule my dissertation defense on Halloween to commemorate this season and what it means to me.

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Embracing the Autumn of One’s Life

Unlike the more spring- and summer-themed holidays (like 4^th of July, Easter, May Day/Memorial Day/the Summer Solstice, etc.), which denote feelings of renewal and new beginnings, along with opportunities for travel and expansion, the fall- and winter-themed holidays tend to be more subdued in nature.

During this time of the year, we are often encouraged to turn inwards, to reconnect with our loved ones, visit friends and family members for the holidays, and, in many cultures, honor the spirits of those who have come before us, such as the practice of Día de Los Muertos across parts of Texas and Mexico as well as the Pagan/Celtic tradition of Samhain which aligns with the end of the harvest season in Europe and thus thanking Mother Earth for providing us with her bounty to keep us warm throughout the winter season.

Thus, Autumn reflects a turning point in the calendar year, much like how the transition from spring to summer reflects the archetypal process of the maiden becoming the mother; and the mother transforming into the crone as fall becomes winter.

Image taken from mysticryst.com

Thus, if we use this metaphor of the cycle of the seasons and apply it to women’s self-actualization process, it is when women are faced with the realization that we are leaving one phase (i.e. transitioning from Maiden to Mother or Mother to Crone) and thus closer to entering the autumn season of our lives that we begin to reflect and turn inwards, which inevitably brings up the importance of choices.

Plath’s Fig Tree

Recently I referenced author Sylvia Plath’s fig tree analogy in my post regarding the construction of my Two of Pentacles card for my Yonic Tarot deck. This passage is taken from her book The Bell Jar, which is based on her own semi-autobiographical experience of working at Mademoiselle magazine in the 1950s and draws from her history of depression and mental illness for which she was hospitialized at 20 years old for attempting to take her own life.

Image of Plath

While tragically Plath would indeed take her own life less than a month after the Bell Jar was published in 1963, in the book, Plath’s character Esther Greenwood, whose story mimics much of Plath’s real-life descent into madness, describes the analogy of a fig tree and how it reflects the pressure she feels as a young woman in college attempting to navigate her life choices as she moves into adulthood.

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

It was this imagery of the fig tree and the overwhelming paralysis that Esther feels upon looking at it that directly inspired the construction of my Seven of Cups card for my Yonic Tarot deck.

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In the card’s image, we can see that the leaves of the trees in the background of the forest, which our heroine walks in, are all beginning to change. Thus, their brilliant autumnal hues reflect the changing of these seasons and the turning of the tides, as the heroine herself is in a visible state of transition, as she is quite pregnant and therefore entering the mother phase of her life.

In the story arc of this particular suit for my deck, I imagined this woman walking along the forest, reflecting on her early life experiences, only to be stopped by an evergreen fig tree in her path. Which, in some ways, might reflect the very same tree often referenced in the story of the Garden of Eden in the Christian myth of Adam and Eve, as they both represent the importance of choice.

Painting by Peter Paul Rubens

It is here that the heroine, much like all of us, must confront her choices in life and which metaphorical “cup” she will choose next.

Will she choose a more traditional path, such as the cup with the diamond ring, which perhaps symbolizes marriage and commitment, or the one with the castle, which for her may represent the solid structure of home, career, or perhaps a foundation she wants to build in herself?

Or will she choose to focus instead on her beauty and maintaining her youth, as reflected in the cup holding a mirror? As women are frequently pressured at younger and younger ages to get Botox, injections, and alter their bodies in an attempt to delay the transition into the autumn of their lives. Yet, it is important to note that this tool of vanity can conversely be used for self-reflection if wielded correctly.

Or does she choose a more creative or spiritual path? As reflective of the cup with the mermaid’s tail, which perhaps is reflective of some creative endeavor she wishes to pursue or a forgotten aspect of herself from her youth she has yet to reclaim?

Along a similar vein, the heroine might also choose the cup with the snake, which could lead to the shedding of her old self through the process of Kundalini Awakening? A process which some scholars argue might mimic Adam and Eve’s decision to eat the forbidden fruit, resulting in a newfound sense of enlightenment and self-awareness.

And if she is surrendering to the unknown, should she just choose the cup with the spider, and accept her fate that she is just one string connected to a much larger web of life far beyond her understanding?

Or finally, does she choose the path expected of her? The cup with the gold crown, which will guarantee her the most recognition and achievement in the external realm of the conscious? And therefore is often the hardest path to resist, as it is so often positively rewarded and is easy to maintain as the “status quo.”

Regardless of the path she chooses, just like Plath’s character Esther in The Bell Jar, there is a sense of knowing within her that by choosing one path, she is inherently saying “no” to another.

Because by choosing to focus on one or perhaps, if she is lucky, two of the cups on her metaphorical fig tree, she must be willing to let some of the cups go.

But before she can accept her choice, she must grieve the potential of these possibilities and versions of herself she will never get to know in this lifetime.

Choices, Divination and Grief

As I’ve been creating my tarot deck, a thought I’ve been sitting with over the last couple of weeks is that tarot, or really any form of divination, is inherently about choices.

The “future” we ask a reader to predict for us when they throw cards is less about this process being set in stone, and more about our own internal process of coming to a decision we know we must make.

Should I go back to school or not?

Should I change my career path or not?

Should I have a baby or not?

Should I marry my partner/girlfriend/boyfriend or not?

Should I end my marriage/relationship/situationship or not?

These questions are often less about following the “right” path and more often reveal something deeper about ourselves.

They reveal who we are, what we value, and the parts that demand to be integrated within us.

For example, by leaving a difficult marriage or career path, one might have to accept that they no longer have anything to distract or prevent them from doing the thing they’ve always dreamed about, yet often fear the most.

Or perhaps, by having a child, we have to face our fears of getting older, becoming a parent, and working through our own complex relationships with our external parental figures and how they have shaped us internally.

In other words, these questions are rarely about the surface-level choice, since often I find that most individuals have an inner telos or “call” to what they authentically need to pursue, if only they are able to embrace the autumn of their lives and turn inwards to listen.

Instead, what occurs in these readings is working through the grief of having to make a choice. Of accepting that the mythical fig tree with all the cups spread out in front of us is just that – a myth.

As I said in my last post on the Two of Pentacles referenced above, the myth of “having it all” isn’t possible, and inevitably the cups we attempt to chase will come at a cost. Thus, there will be times when one has to adjust expectations or make sacrifices, because life requires all of us, men and women alike, to make trade-offs. One is not meant to do it all and do it all perfectly, because if that were the case, there would never be a need to make a choice and the fig tree would remain filled with metaphorical figs and cups to keep us satisfied forever.

But we do not live forever, and so we can not remain tied to the evergreen summer of our lives.

Thus, it is our choices that force us to decide who we are and what is important to us.

They serve as a reminder that we can not “have our cake and eat it too” and that the more we try to keep our cups/options open, the more we will miss out on actually living our lives because it takes great effort to try to maintain all the cups on the metaphorical fig tree of life.

Eventually, we must choose a cup, or life will choose for us.

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And the more we resist feeling the grief and potential regret that comes with making a choice, the more likely it is that we will end up with a choice which does not satisfy us. That leaves us hungry and wishing we had done more or had picked a different path for ourselves.

Thus, for individuals, and especially women becoming aware of their transition from the maiden to mother/mother to crone phase, the trick is to not avoid the Seven of Cups, but instead to sit with it and to grieve the inevitability of facing the autumn and eventual winter of one’s life. Just as Plath and her character Esther had to do as well.

Thus, to truly process and move through the Seven of Cups, one must be willing to sit with each of the metaphorical cups of their lives and ask themselves, “Can I live without this and still be true to myself?

Overcoming the Fear of Regret

Often when conducting readings or providing intuitive guidance sessions for individuals, I will have my clients ask me about ways to avoid feeling regret in their lives.

Should I save my eggs now, just in case I want a child later?

What if I get married and I end up missing out on someone better?

What if I leave my career and I end up hating it?

It’s often the game of “what ifs” that keep us trapped, unable to move forward.

Yet, here is the truth: You are going to inevitably experience regret at some point in your life. Even if your choice was the “right” one.

Regret isn’t what we should fear; it’s simply an emotion to let us know what is important to us. Instead, what we should fear is betrayal of ourselves.

In fact, regret can be our biggest teacher in many ways, because it is often when we are finally able to hold space and process our feelings of regret for our past choices that we can move through it and start to clarify what is truly important to us.

It is very common for women who choose to remain childless to have small moments of regret when surrounded by their friends and family members who choose to have children. And yet, these women can still be happy with their choice.

Conversely, but often less discussed, but still equally important, there are women who make wonderful mothers and are delighted by their children, who may experience occasional feelings of regret for not being able to enjoy more of their singlehood or spend more time in their careers.

Plenty of married individuals and couples I’ve worked with discussed their “fear of missing out” or the occasional moments of regret they experience with regard to being unable to casually date or pursue a meaningless fling. Yet, despite this awareness, they still choose to remain faithful to their partners because they believe that the alternative would not be as satisfying long-term, or the connection they have built with their partner feels too valuable to risk.

And the same is true for individuals who choose to remain “open” in their relationships or single.

As all of these options have their pros and cons, which we must individually sort through.

This is why we must grieve the choices we make and take the time to honor the potential they hold.

For choosing to truly live one’s life with conviction requires that an individual make an active choice, which is what Plath’s Fig Tree reminds us of.

In fact, as her metaphor so brilliantly demonstrates, the biggest regret one can actually make is not making the “wrong” choice, but rather not making a choice at all and being at the mercy of whatever fate has left for them.

This is because in choosing to follow the path of least resistance, or what appears “easiest,” or sometimes most “socially acceptable,” we inevitably miss out on knowing parts of ourselves.

Which is ultimately the greatest gift we can give ourselves.

Thus, the Seven of Cups and Plath’s Fig Tree analogy remind us that choice is inevitable in life and the more we embrace it, the more we can prepare for the eventual autumn of our lives with pride and conviction of who we are and the paths we took along the way to get there.

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Roby’s courses on her Yonic Theory approach, check out the resources below:

If you would like to donate to her Yonic Tarot deck creation fund, please do so through her ko-fi account:

The Two of Pentacles

Dark Fairy Godmother — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 19:40:39 GMT

I know it has been over a month since I last posted. In truth, my thought process around my creative output has been shifting a lot since I officially decided to part ways with providing counseling.

Previously, when I was heavily immersed in this field, my focus was almost entirely on output. How many clients should I see? How many people did I help this week? How many insurance claims do I need to file? How many articles can I write? How many papers do I need to grade? Et cetera, et cetera…

Only approaching my healing work in this masculine, linear, quantifiable way never actually made me happy. In fact, it made me the opposite.

I became consumed with work, constantly working just to ensure my survival and to pay my bills, as most therapists are prone to since the “hustle mindset” in the profession is quite insidious for a group of individuals already prone to over-functioning.

I longed for the days when I was in graduate school, before I was working full-time and feeling pressured to see 20 or 30 clients a week to make ends meet. I longed for slowness and for honoring the processing of bearing witness to another human’s story. Of finding points of shared connection with the individuals in my office who were bravely exposing their souls and deepest wounds to me to hold with grace and compassion.

And yet while I tried my hardest to remain present in session, I would often catch myself internally thinking about how I was going to afford rent or how, if a client went over the 49-minute mark, I would have to bill them for a new insurance code, which would just create more paperwork.

And thus, that is when the shift happened for me. Counseling no longer became a “craft” or a “gift” for me to help others, but instead an endless mountain of paperwork. Never-ending and all-consuming, with no work-life balance in sight.

Which brings me to the tarot card, the Two of Pentacles

Rider-Waite-Smith Deck

Often depicted as a figure juggling 2 pentacles with an infinity symbol between them, the Two of Pentacles serves as a reminder of work-life balance and that everything in life moves in stages.

Yet, in our modern capitalist society, where our ability to produce constant output is associated with our inherent value as humans, mastering the wisdom of this card in our day-to-day lives becomes almost impossible.

And this struggle is something that I find women are especially attuned to in their lives…

The Universal Experience of Feminine Sacrifice

Growing up, I knew at a very early age that the Wonder Woman myth of “having it all” propagated by well-meaning third-generation feminists of the 1990s was just that…a myth.

Instead, what I saw was my mother, tired and burned out from working her job as an accountant for a demanding law firm, coming home with debilitating migraines that would leave her incapacitated for the entire weekend, unable to get out of bed.

I also saw my aunt struggle to raise her autistic non-verbal son, which led to my mother and grandmother encouraging me to spend my afternoons after getting home from school at her house taking care of my cousin in order to give her a “rest” from the demands of motherhood, which led to her developing a shopping addiction as a way to “fill herself up” from the lack of emotional support she felt in her marriage.

These women didn’t appear to “have it all,” and if they did to people outside the family system, it was often because, as the eldest daughter, I was given the role to play pseudo-caretaker to my younger sister and cousin. Something my sister still chooses to tease me about in our family dynamic to this day, as she lovingly jokes about me being her “second mom.”

It is important to know that I don’t share these experiences to judge or shame my aunt or mother, who I firmly believe were trying to be the best mothers they could in a world in which women are forced to constantly split and sacrifice parts of themselves.

I know this to be true because their stories were not so dissimilar to the stories of the female clients I worked with.

No matter what age a woman was when she came into my office, whether she was 18, 25, 35, 40, or in her 50s or 60s, at some point in our work together, the theme of feminine sacrifice would come up.

For some women, it happened when they were reflecting on their lives as they came to terms with getting older and asking themselves why they were so focused on their work, noting that they felt distant from their children or wished they had spent more time with them. For others, it was sadness about the ways they felt they had to sacrifice their careers to prioritize their children, because even if they loved their partner and felt they had a good marriage, the role of primary caregiver always seemed to fall to them.

In either scenario, there was a sacrifice; most women either felt that they were a “good mother” or “great at their career”, but rarely ever did women feel like they succeeded at both.

And for those who did try to do both (as my mother did), they would often realize that there were always limitations to their success or that their bodies would eventually revolt against them, which would force them to make a choice. And if this choice wasn’t physical or emotional, they would be reminded of the fact that no matter how hard they tried at work to “beat the system,” most women would inevitably run up against glass ceilings or witness the glass escalator as they watch their male colleagues outpace them - even in female-dominated fields, which I have witnessed as well in my career and among my male colleagues.

Because the truth is, while eventually all humans will be forced to learn the lesson of the Two of Pentacles and surrender to the flow of the cycles, it has always historically been women who are confronted with the reality of the physical, emotional, and time-bound limitations of their life much sooner than men. Which is why I have chosen a woman to depict this card in my Yonic Tarot deck

From the time a woman is born, our limitations become painfully obvious to us, especially for womb-possessing individuals, which was a key theme noted in my dissertation research.

For example, for most women, when they first encounter their menses (i.e., period) at 12 or 13 (or even younger), they are hit with the sudden realization that they could become pregnant and that the entire trajectory of their lives could change in an instant. This is especially true for Black and Brown women in states with harsh anti-abortion laws. Thus, it forces women to confront a universal truth – that life is not fair, and we can not have everything we want, and that if we are not careful, bad things can happen to us which can limit our ability to decide our own fate.

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Holding myself back from singing the chorus of this song by The Rolling Stones, this cliché has been used for centuries as a way of normalizing the pain and acceptance of the reality that sometimes we just cannot change our circumstances.

We can not help it that we are born into the family systems we are born into, whether we were blessed with certain opportunities or prevented from having others, whether the bodies we were assigned to at birth are viewed as “male” and “female” by the larger society, and yet, even with all these limitations thrusted upon us, we must find a way to make meaning of our lives.

And while, yes, all individuals, regardless of gender, must face this fact eventually in their lives, I tended to notice that it was not 20- or 30-year-old men coming into my office or in my friend group having these discussions. No, by and large, most of the men I knew in my 20s and even in my early 30s were still dreaming of becoming rock stars, seeking novelty, travel, or finding their next sexual conquest, believing they had all the time in the world to settle down. Instead, this was a frequent topic of debate among my female friends and me, which even at 25 I remember being asked if I was “ready to settle down” and having kids with my then fiancé, as a former supervisor of mine made it clear was part of my appeal in her hiring me as as a counselor was that she assumed I would be “stable” and thus not want to excel or leave my position.

Thus, I share this story, which is similar to so many other women’s experiences I have heard, because it is a reminder that this wall – which most men experience in their “mid-life crisis” era comes much sooner for women.

Like Sylvia Plath and her fig tree analogy in her book The Bell Jar, women are forced to make choices and thus must adapt to the cycles and demands of their lives.

Instead, women must act quickly, but it is hard to do that when they often lack the time and resources to figure themselves out or even complete the process of self-actualization to know what they truly want. And for some women, like Plath, the forced gender roles women feel thrusted into can have very tragic ends in which they only harm themselves but leave generational scars for those who have to bear witness to the pain of a life unlived.

So if this is the case and women can not “have it all,” what is it that we can have instead?

Embracing Cycles

There is a famous interview with former First Lady Michelle Obama in which she discusses the myth of “having it all.”

In it, she says that she found that it was less about “having it all” and that she instead had to figure out how to have aspects of her life in phases. That for her it was about figuring out how to “have it all, but not all at once”.

Meaning that she understood that if motherhood was important to her, she would have to sacrifice phases of her life in order to be more present with her children, and that conversely, if a particular phase in her career felt important for her to pursue, she would have to sacrifice being less available to her children during that phase of her life.

Now of course this is easier said than done and often requires women to have a spouse or partner who isn’t threatened by them being their own individual Self and thus willing to do more of the “domestic labor” traditionally assigned to women, but nevertheless, Michelle’s words reflect the message behind the inspiration of my depiction of the Two of Pentacles, which is that women must learn to balance all parts of themselves, namely their goddess and witchy aspects of the Self.

In the card’s image above, we see a woman who is the heroine of this suit depicted in 1950s clothing holding a pie on one pentacle in one hand, which represents her Veil function and light feminine “goddess” aspects while also balancing a red lipstick on her other pentacle, which represents her more “witchy” nature and the repressed dark feminine aspects of herself. Moreover, the full-moon reference in this card directly refers to the Greek Goddess Artemis, known for her wild and untamable nature, and red lipstick has often been a form of resistance for women, which I wrote about here.

Thus, our heroine knows that she cannot sacrifice her light or dark feminine aspects and that she must find a way to balance her wild, untamed, independent nature with the demands of motherhood and the expectations that society has placed upon her.

For if she can not find a way to achieve this balance, she will inevitably feel “off-balanced” and thus, she will become fixated too far in either direction, unable to feel whole in herself.

As such is the battle for all women, to both honor oneself and the creative self-expression that can only be acquired through understanding one’s dark feminine nature while also balancing the reality that we are social creatures and thus we have roles that we must play as daughters, mothers, aunties, and caretakers, or even counselors for others.

And yet, even when we try to balance these aspects of ourselves…sometimes we outgrow these roles as we enter different phases and seasons of our lives, and when that happens, we have to surrender to the flow of the cycles and seasons of our lives.

Which is why I am choosing to approach this new phase of my career with my writing, research, and deck creation process with grace and acceptance of the cyclical nature of the creative process.

Because in order to truly hone one’s craft and to create a well-balanced life, what one needs is time to evolve with their work and not external standards of achievement as reflective of the masculine linear growth path.

To not be consumed by the capitalist rhetoric that one needs to “hustle” or produce a new story, article, or post a new card image weekly in order for their art to have value and for that value to be recognized by others. Instead, honing a craft requires one to surrender to wisdom and the flow of the feminine by becoming a forever student and understanding that their creative cycles have their own intuitive wisdom, just like the cycles of life itself…which is perhaps why men have always viewed the Goddesses of fate or even justice as women since this is a process which can not be “claimed” or “conquered”.

For everything in life has its season, and if we are able to know ourselves enough to honor our internal wisdom, well then we can always adjust pentacles as needed and maintain balance just like the figure in the Two of Pentacles.

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Roby’s courses on her Yonic Theory approach, check out the resources below:

If you would like to donate to her Yonic Tarot deck creation fund, please do so through her ko-fi account:

Deck Update feat. The Ace of Wands

Dark Fairy Godmother — Tue, 19 May 2026 19:22:41 GMT

On the afternoon of May 14, 2026, after months of sitting in reflection and preparation (with a 3-week trip to Europe in between), I finally pulled myself out of my self-induced Hermit mode (a state I am quite fond of) to begin painting my tarot cards.

Starting with the Ace of Wands…

Jungian Tarot Ace of Wands

As many of you who have followed my Yonic Tarot deck creation process know, my deck is meant to serve as a visual companion guide to my Yonic Theory approach, which outlines women’s psycho-spiritual self-actualization process. Therefore, it is one part therapy, one part “spiritual” guidance, but ultimately it is meant to serve as a pathway to deepen one’s relationship with their inner feminine aspects of the Self - regardless of one’s gender expression.

I began the process of creating my own tarot deck in April/May 2025, using AI to help guide the “rough draft” of my cards and the elements I wanted to include in my design, which I then printed out, traced, and changed/edited/added my own design elements to once I had a template established.

Thus, in many ways, my deck is a metaphor for how important it is to combine the “Spirit” of the mind, which governs reason, logic, and structure, which are associated with more “masculine” qualities, with the “Soul” of the artistic, intuitive, felt sense of the feminine.

Which is ultimately what I believe the practice of tarot can offer each of us, and is essentially no matter what path towards self-actualization one chooses to follow.

Thus, now that the drawing portion of my tarot deck creation process is complete, as well as the first rough draft of its accompanying guidebook, it is time for me to begin the process of painting and outlining my cards to get them ready for printing so that I can eventually make them available for purchase.

But which card to start with…

The Ace of Wands

Oddly enough, the Ace of Wands was the very first tarot card I pulled for myself when I began reading tarot back in Fall 2022. Before then, I had received tarot readings and was intrigued by the practice, but I never felt confident in my ability to read for others or understand the symbolism of the cards…

That was until one night, I had a dream in which I found myself lying in a coffin and then subsequently ushered into a juxtaposing room where I saw a man dressed as a magician (an obvious reference for those familiar with this card) shuffling a deck of tarot cards. Thus, once he had finished shuffling the cards, he handed me his deck and told me I needed to acquire my own.

Since I am never one to doubt the wisdom of my dreams or my unconscious, even if I don’t entirely understand their symbolism at first, I took this mandate very seriously and the next day purchased my first tarot deck, which happened to be the Jungian Tarot deck created by Robert Wang, since during this period of my life, I was absorbing all I could on Jung and felt I needed to acquire a more “academic” deck as I navigated my PhD program.

Now, of course, a Jungian interpretation of this dream was that the Magician character was my Animus attempting to get my attention and thus “sparking” me to explore my love for tarot…and that is a valid interpretation.

However, a crucial detail I left out about this dream was that it was first a female figure who greeted me at my coffin, who then ushered me into the other room where the Magician was awaiting me.

In other words, it was the feminine, specifically a dark feminine aspect of myself, that led me to seek out the Magician who would “spark” new life into my subconscious.

Thus, in confronting my own symbolic death through the dark feminine, I was metaphorically “reborn.”

And this would be what Jung refers to as the role of the Anima, since Jung himself often equated the Anima as being the “purveyor of the Self.” Yet, in exploring tarot and my own and other women’s self-actualization process, I have come to understand that while Jung was insightful and his theory helpful for understanding the Self from a masculine perspective… There were a few things he overlooked…

Not to mention that he neglected to acknowledge that it was a woman herself, namely Sabina Spielrein, who ultimately represented his own dark feminine aspects, which would lead him to discover his own self-actualization process.

Spielrein

It is for this reason that I argue that Jung’s theory is just one side of the spectrum, the masculine lived experience in which the Ego and Shadow represent the light and dark aspects of the masculine principle – that which he called the Animus.

But what he failed to consider was that there is also a light and dark aspect of the feminine principle, or his Anima (that which I call in my Yonic Theory approach the Psyche/Soul), and makes up what I refer to as the Aura and Veil functions of the Self for all individuals.

Thus, I argue that Jung’s theory, while again a valid approach to reflect his and men’s personal experience of self-actualization, is only half the story, since it does not consider the feminine experience of self-actualization.

Which is what I came to discover through my tarot practice and the many female clients I worked with...

What I discovered was that the more I leaned into my own intuitive understanding of the practice of tarot, and my relationship with the cards, their images, and the stories that would come to me when I was reading, the more I came to understand my own lived experience as a woman.

As opposed to just regurgitating and repeating the “high-brow” wisdom of the great (mostly male) occultists like Crowley and Waite, who again, like Jung, are valid in their own approaches…yet still lack the ability to fully understand the feminine perspective in the cards’ wisdom.

This is because their experiences, or their own interpretations of their cards, didn’t speak to me or my lived experiences. Or the women I worked with and interacted with experiences either.

It was as if these individuals’ desire to dissect and intellectualize the cards and their meanings overlooked the symbolism right in front of their noses, which held the truth of the magic of the feminine within.

And while I do think there is merit in this more intellectual approach which embodies elements of what I refer to as the dark masculine, it again fails to acknowledge the fact that one can not access the wisdom of the dark masculine without first surrendering to the feminine, as I had to surrender to my own death or Kundalini awakening in my dream to be able to listen to my dark feminine aspects (i.e. Aura function) to encounter the Magician.

Thus, in my Yonic Tarot deck, as I stated above, I decided to combine the wisdom of these traditional occultists, Jung, and my training as a Counselor Educator/Psychotherapist, while also leaning into my own intuitive wisdom to reflect mine and other women’s experiences.

Thus, making my deck and its creation process inherently feminine by design.

This choice led me not to the hidden occult societies and fraternities of the great “tarot experts”, but instead, to my grandmother’s kitchen table, my Celtic and Eastern European ancestors, and the folk and Indigenous healing practices of women all over the world.

It led me to my roots, back to nature and the Earth, and to the voices of women like Sabina Spielrein, whom history has ignored.

Most of all, it led me to understand how tarot can serve as a guide for women to return to themselves through my Yonic Theory approach, which is why I decided to label my deck the Yonic Tarot™.

So I share all this background and history of my deck and my own self-actualization process to say it is fitting that I am beginning the next phase of this journey in my deck’s creation with the card that “started it all,” the Ace of Wands.

And while this next phase will have many steps, as I will need to both paint and outline my remaining 79 cards before they are ready for print (yes, I added two cards). Not to mention revisit my guidebook, which I have just completed the first draft of, I invite you to join me in this process and consider supporting my deck’s creation by donating to my ko-fi account below:

Support my Deck

And while I can’t promise an exact timeline for the “birth” of my deck anytime soon (I’ve learned that my creative process is much more cyclical than linear and thus timelines always seem to become lost on me), it is my hope that by embodying a more feminine approach to my tarot deck creation process, the wisdom of the feminine is what shines through.

For I have learned that the more we surrender to the power of the feminine, the more magical our lives become.

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Roby’s courses on her Yonic Theory approach, check out the resources below:

If you would like to donate to her Yonic Tarot deck creation fund, please do so through her ko-fi account:

Cardinals, Partnership, Love and Other Musings

Dark Fairy Godmother — Thu, 30 Apr 2026 19:22:47 GMT

On this day-the eve of Beltane, the ancient Gaelic fire festival, celebrated on May 1st, there was something about this particular post that felt like it was calling to me.

Perhaps it is because Beltane, which comes from the Old Irish word “Beltene,” is often translated to mean “bright fire,” and thus historically Celtic people celebrated this holiday with bonfires, the blessing of livestock, protective rituals, and other seasonal celebrations welcoming fertility, growth, and abundance, which serves as a reminder of humans’ connection to nature.

Moreover, this holiday also coincides with modern-day celebrations such as “May Day” which in many European countries is also celebrated on May 1st as their equivalent to “Labour Day” in the States, in which many farming towns will hold festivals to celebrate the coming of the beginning of summer by having children or young women dance around the May Pole thus reminding them on their connection to their pre-Christian or Pagan roots.

In addition to these remnants of the past, modern practicing Pagans and witches often connect this holiday to the rituals of the hieros gamos, or “divine marriage.” Which is sometimes referred to as the “Great Wedding” or the union between the God and Goddess.

Therefore, sticking with this theme of humans’ connection to nature, union, marriage, and therefore partnership and love…I thought I would take a page from my ancestors and return to nature as my source of inspiration.

For context, I originally wrote this post last Sunday morning, where I once again found myself sitting at the kitchen table of my parents’ home, drinking coffee and staring out their bay window.

This ritual is something I’ve become accustomed to over the past two years since moving back in with my parents, as this trend appears to be growing quite common among elder millennials these days. Therefore, I have taken to watching two cardinals, a male and a female, gather food for their nest, which they have built just behind my parents’ fence, as perhaps a bit of escapism or an attempt to find meaning in all the strangeness that has transpired since my return home.

And so in this post, I wanted to document my observations of these two creatures and what they have taught me about nature, partnership, and, of course, love, not only for myself, but also for my collective millennial peers and humans as well.

Cardinals

It is important to note that when I first moved back home, for the first 3 months or so I only saw the male cardinal, who I’ll call “Carl,” when looking out my parents’ kitchen window, which wasn’t so shocking to me, since growing up, we would often see male cardinals hanging around my mother’s bird feeder, especially during the winter and fall months.

In fact, it is this association I’ve had with cardinals since childhood, which led me to get a tattoo of a male cardinal on my left ankle shortly after the passing of my paternal Cajun grandmother, Marie, with “OX” in her handwriting, which is how she would sign off all of her Christmas and Birthday cards to her grandchildren.

It was this practice of hers which subsequently inspired me to sign off all of my posts with her same signature move “OX”, because according to my grandmother, the clever woman she was, she said that it never made sense to her to put the traditional “XO” in her signature, because “why would you kiss (i.e. the “X”) a person before hugging them (i.e. the “O”).”

Therefore, she reversed the order of the two to make it more consensual. (Seems like a relevant message we could still use today in our modern world.)

However, despite my association of red cardinals with my grandmother aside, it wouldn’t be until about 6 months, or the following summer, that I realized the male cardinal (i.e. Carl) was not alone during his visits to our backyard to eat the seeds in my mother’s bird feeder. Since it appeared he was also there to be with his partner, the female cardinal, whom I’ll call “Carrie”.

At first, when I saw the female cardinal (i.e. Carrie), I assumed that both Carl and Carrie were just passing through as separate birds and that they might do what animals do: mate and then move on from one another, as most bird species do.

This hypothesis of mine was also further reinforced by the fact that when I first started to notice the two birds, I would usually see one or the other, Carrie or Carl, but never both together at the same time. That was until later that summer, when I saw Carl feed Carrie for the first time.

Photo taken from https://birdfeederhub.com/facts-about-cardinals/, which is where I pulled most of my information about cardinals for this article.

Thus, there was something about Carl’s act towards Carrie that made me realize these birds were not just “passing through,” but in a partnership or “marriage.” Thus, ever since, I have consistently seen the couple together. Or if they are not together, I can usually find either Carl or Carrie just a short distance away, perhaps in the tree just behind the fence, waiting for the other to return to their nest.

Consequently, observing this pattern has led me to do some research of my own about cardinals and their mating habits…

Partnership

It should be noted that my primary source for this information came from www.birdfeederhub.com, so I do not claim to be an expert on birds and their mating behaviors.

That said, I was shocked to discover that cardinals are mostly monogamous and typically mate for life or until one of them dies, which, in the wild, the lifespan of a northern cardinal (those indigenous to the southern and eastern United States) is typically around 3 years (though they can live up to 15 -25 years in captivity).

But more than this lifelong commitment to one another, the relationship between male and female cardinals highlights the importance of partnership.

You see, during the mating season, it is both the male and female cardinals’ job to work together in order to build their nest using twigs, grass, and other material, which they typically build in dense shrubbery or low branches, typically less than 10 feet from the ground.

In other words, they both occupy the “home” space and take an active role in building its foundation.

This process takes about 8-9 days and typically occurs in the late winter/early spring season, as cardinals will typically have only one or two broods (hatchlings) a year, which typically occur around March and May (I.e. the season of Beltane). During that time, the female cardinal will typically lay 2-5 eggs each time, which will hatch roughly 11-13 days after she lays them.

Yet the partnership between these two birds doesn’t end there.

Unbeknownst to me, I discovered that unlike other species of birds who usually migrate after giving birth to their young, cardinals are permanent residents (i.e. they do not migrate) thus once the baby cardinals have left their nest, it is typically the male cardinal who takes charge of the young baby birds until their iconic red coloring sets in (which takes about a year), teaching them how to eat and take care of themselves. Thus, while the male cardinal is preoccupied with raising their young, their female partner will subsequently go off to focus on building a new nest for their next brood, since cardinals do not typically reuse the nests they built, even when they remain in the same general area.

Talk about a hands-on father…

Moreover, it is well known that male cardinals, in particular, are very territorial; I have witnessed my male cardinal friend, Carl, exhibit this behavior when fending off other birds (such as Blue Jays) and even some very large squirrels while feeding or caring for his young.

Thus, while it appears it is the female cardinal’s job to take care of the couple’s next home, and therefore the physical “hearth” of the domestic space, as she builds her nest to incubate her eggs. It is equally the male cardinal’s duty to protect not only the female and her nest from any predators, but also to take an active hand in raising their young with fierce conviction.

Yet it is also important to note that the female cardinal herself is not “passive” as I have watched Carrie go out to collect food or items for her nest while Carl protectively watches over her. In other words, their dynamic centers on the concept of partnership, going back to the male cardinal feeding the female cardinals as part of their mating ritual.

Photo taken from my kitchen table view.

This act in and of itself shows the male cardinal’s ability to not only provide for his partner, but to protect and nurture her as well, by being humble enough to place her needs above his own. Conversely, the female cardinal has to accept this gesture from the male cardinal in order for the mating ritual to work. Thus, allowing herself to be vulnerable to accept his protection and trusting that he will take care of her while she takes an active role in building their nest and laying her eggs for their offspring.

Thus, in many ways, the male cardinal’s actions reflect the concept of “courtly love,” in which the masculine must humble himself in the presence of the feminine or “the lady” to win her favor.

Thus, unlike what we are usually told about the animal kingdom and male species mating rituals, this act isn’t done through the male cardinal asserting his “dominant” or alpha-male behavior over the female cardinal. (Though he can definitely access that “protective” aspect of himself when he needs to.) Instead, they must meet as equals, recognizing the strengths each brings to the table and how they can work together to create a home.

Love

As I mentioned at the start of this post, as a single millennial woman living at home with her parents, it is hard for me not to think about love and partnership. Especially as I enter my mid-thirties.

Like most millennial men and women, I don’t think I was given good examples of what to look for in a healthy partnership – starting with my early media exposure.

Growing up like most millennials, I remember being exposed early on to “reality” dating shows, like Flavor of Love, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, Rock of Love, and I Love New York. This pattern has only continued, as we now have a whole host of newer reality romance TV shows, like Love Island, Perfect Match, and Love is Blind, which is now filmed in several countries, including Japan, Poland, Sweden, Argentina, Brazil, the UK, and, of course, the original US version.

But the hallmark theme across all these shows and couples (who rarely make it to the altar – let alone stay together) is that they center the “main character” or individual the film crew has chosen as their hero/heroine and their own storytelling, rather than viewing the couple as a unit or partnership.

And perhaps the most obvious example of this storytelling comes from the Bachelor/Bachelorette show format in which one lucky guy or girl is the object of desire for 20 or so individuals.

Thus, what usually happens in these shows is that the bachelor or bachelorette is forced to narrow their choice to two individuals who end up representing two extreme versions of an archetype.

For example, does anyone remember the first season of VH1’s show Flavor of Love starring Flavor Flav, in which Nicole “Hoopz” Alexander and Tiffany “New York” Pollard were pitted against one another?

Hoopz (left) and New York (right)

Aside from perhaps the obvious fact that Flavor Flav gave each of the ladies nicknames as a way of centering his own perception of them (i.e., effectively turning them into objects as opposed to humans), the final two women of the first season also represent the extreme categories women often find themselves in when competing for men’s attention.

Since this show first aired in 2006, my 14-year-old brain distinctly remembers the rhetoric and how it became seared into my mind. On one end of the spectrum, we had “Hoopz,” who was the chill, “cool” girl. She was painted as sweet, down-to-earth, “drama-free,” and could play basketball and hang with the Flav’s boys without being too girly or high-maintenance.

Thus, she fit the “Goddess” archetype of the goddess-witch spectrum, which I have defined in my yonic theory approach, which you can learn more about through my website.

Conversely, New York represented the “Witch” archetype as she was possessive of Flav and struggled to get along with the other girls (i.e., the famous “Pumpkin” spit scene). Moreover, for whatever reason, she was not only highly sexualized by the producers of Flav’s show, but her weight also became a highly debated topic, just to further emphasize how “wild” and “out of control” she was.

Now, of course, anyone can look at that photo of Alexander and Pollard and recognize that both of these women were beautiful in their own right, so it was never about looks or weight at all. Instead, it was clever marketing and storytelling. Done by the producers of the show to make one woman look like the “Witch” and the other the “Goddess,” to center Flav’s perception of them.

Which is a motif we’ve seen before and is even referenced in my Lover’s card for my Yonic Tarot, which to support the creation of, consider purchasing a full subscription to see the image below.

Devil or Daemon?

Dark Fairy Godmother — Wed, 25 Feb 2026 21:33:57 GMT

The Devil card in Tarot is often associated with addiction, restriction, oppression, lust, and what Carl Jung refers to as the “shadow self.”

Yet people often forget that in its light aspect, the Devil card, which I call the Daemon card in my Yonic Tarot™ deck, is also associated with self-mastery and integration of one’s dark or unconscious aspects/desires. As this card is associated with the Zodiac sign Capricorn, which is all about mastery of oneself in the physical realm.

In one of my favorite Tarot spreads, the Celtic Cross, there is a position that symbolizes one’s fears and hopes, as these are often two sides of the same coin. Just as the Devil can represent one’s shadows or restrictions as well as one’s path to salvation.

To learn more about my Yonic Tarot™ deck creation process, consider subscribing or making a donation to my Tarot deck creation fund through my ko-fi account:

Donate!

In my own life, I have felt the temptation of the “Devil” or, should I say, my shadow self, as I have reflected on my past relationship dynamics and my own “addictive” tendencies.

Thus, the truth about the Devil/Daemon card is that this dark masculine aspect exists within all of us, no matter what gender we choose to identify with, which I refer to in my Yonic Theory™ as the Daemon function.

Yet it is important to note that the origins of the word daemon, which would eventually become our modern word “demon,” is a very interesting backstory in and of itself…

The 3 of Pentacles

Dark Fairy Godmother — Wed, 04 Feb 2026 09:33:14 GMT

A joke I’ve been telling a few of my friends lately is that I learned the meaning of life at 6 years old, watching my Cajun grandmother cook gumbo…

A photo of my 9-year-old self on my First Communion (like the “good” Catholic girl I was raised to be) with my grandmother, Marie.

While perhaps this may be a bit of an over-exaggeration. In truth, the practice of alchemy, which has been associated with the philosopher’s stone, ouroboros, and even Carl Jung’s notion of the transcendent function, is not so different in my experience from the art of making gumbo.

What Makes a Good Gumbo

For me, a good gumbo must have two things: Okra and what Cajuns and Creoles in Louisiana call the “Holy Trinity.”

The Holy Trinity is a bit misleading because it is actually a mix of equal parts onion, bell pepper, and celery. Similar to the French mirepoix, which inspired this vegetable melody featured in many Cajun and Creole cuisines.

This is because Louisiana was largely under French rule for most of its history, aside from a brief period during which time it was owned by the Spanish, prior to its absorption into the United States. Therefore as more and more French settlers migrated from France to Louisiana they began to “blend” with the Afro-Caribbean and Indigenous peoples in the surrounding areas of New Orleans creating the “Creoles.” Thus this merging and blending of cultures and traditions created new forms of cuisine as a result of the use of local resources available to them.

Which brings me to the second ingredient, okra.

To me, gumbo is not gumbo without okra, because the word for gumbo itself is said to have derived from the African word for okra. Therefore, if one wants to properly make gumbo, they need both okra and the Holy Trinity to make it.

Picture of my most recent batch of gumbo during the past winter “freeze”.

When the Cajuns came to Louisiana through their own diaspora as a result of the Le Grand Dérangement during the Seven Years War, they also merged with many of Creole and Indigenous individuals within the swamplands (I.e. bayous) of Louisiana. Thus once again merging their cultural customs and traditions.

Thus, even before the process of cooking begins, gumbo teaches us a lot about life and alchemy. About how two very separate cultures (French and African) can merge together to create something new. As is true with many Louisiana-based dishes I saw my grandmother make, such as jambalaya, which is said to be influenced by the Spanish paella, and also features the Holy Trinity.

Therefore, cooking gumbo or jambalaya has always symbolized to me a connection to one’s past, roots, and heritage, and bringing together resources to create something new. Much like the Tarot card, the Three of Pentacles

In this image, we see a grandmother, her granddaughter, and a female “spirit” figure. (Perhaps the grandmother’s mother or another female relative.) Thus, there are 3 generations of women present. Or a maiden, a mother, and a crone.

Furthermore, to honor gumbo’s Afro-Caribbean origins, I decided to depict these women as Black or African American, which will be reflected in the final image of my design once I have added color to my cards.

Moreover, we see the Holy Trinity depicted in the bottom-right corner, symbolizing the “part” each of these vegetables plays in working together to create the gumbo, as well as the transmission of intergenerational wisdom.

Finally, in the middle of the image, where the 3 pentacles sit, we have the gumbo pot, or in this case, a cauldron, which is not only a direct reference to alchemy but to the womb or yoni itself.

The Alchemy of Gumbo

According to feminist scholar Barbara Walker (1983) cauldron’s have long symbolized women’s connection to their wombs, which I discuss in my latest journal article on my concept called the Yonic Principle™

To access this article or the Yonic Journal™ visit the link below:

Therefore, it is in the “womb” (i.e., cauldron) that opposing forces mix and merge with one another, breaking down to form something new.

Thus, if we compare the process of cooking gumbo to alchemy, it follows a similar pattern…

Feminist scholar and mythologist Sharon Blackie (2022) noted that Carl Jung was fascinated by the practice of alchemy throughout his life, which he applied to his understanding of individuation. Those three stages of alchemy Jung identified are nigredo, albedo, and rubedo.

In the first stage of nigredo, contents within the unconscious, or a gumbo pot, are “blacked.” In other words, they are “cooked down” so that they can soften and merge together. Much like how one must make a roux, by “browning” (AKA: cooking down) the flour and fat mixture to create the base for the gumbo.

In the second stage, albedo, fire and heat is used to transform the ingredients as the Holy Trinity is added to the pot. Thus, there is a breakdown of the ingredients’ old structure so that they can merge with the other ingredients. This means that instead of remaining separate from the roux, all the contents merge to create something new, leading to the third and final stage: rubedo.

This process is all done within the context of the gumbo pot, or cauldron, which reflects what I refer to as the Yonic Principle™. Thus, the womb is the vehicle through which this transformation occurs, much like the merging of opposites within a human womb might lead to the birth of a child if a woman chooses to become pregnant and carry that life to term. Or within the realm of psychology, the merging of one’s conscious and unconscious aspects to provide a symbolic “rebirth” of the Self.

Therefore, I argue, that much like the notion of the Holy Grail in many Arthurian legends, the grail or cauldron, or in this case, the gumbo pot, all symbolize the same thing – the healing powers of the feminine or the Yonic Principle™.

Therefore, as I said above, it appears that I did learn a great deal about the meaning of life at 6 years old from watching my grandmother make gumbo – only I didn’t have the words to describe what I knew at the time.

Or rather, this form of wisdom, which is inherently rooted in the feminine, wasn’t justified by the “knowledge” I was being taught to absorb through my educational training and Western male-dominated Spiritual traditions.

In truth, I think many mystics and male theorists like Carl Jung, while brilliant, spend their whole lives trying to uncover what women intuitively know. Namely, that alchemy, psychology, mysticism, the “divine” or whatever we choose to define it as, is not so different from nature itself. That it all circles back to the womb, and the merging of the opposites – the masculine and the feminine, or the conscious and the unconscious.

These opposing forces bump into one another, clash, merge, “make love,” and create something new. Something that has roots in both worlds, and yet at the same time, is unique on its own.

Just like gumbo.

Only this alchemy isn’t happening at fancy lecture halls or secret occult societies. It is happening right in the kitchens of our grandmothers. Created by the hands of the women who shaped us, who carried a piece of us when our mothers were being first formed in their wombs.

And I don’t about you, but that seems pretty damn magical to me…and perhaps we might consider that to be the purest form of alchemy.

Your Dark Fairy Godmother

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