The Goddess-Witch Spectrum™
Understanding Women’s Internalized Madonna-Whore Complex
You’ve probably heard the phrase “Madonna-Whore Complex” at least once in your life, and maybe you didn’t think much of it. Historically, the term Madonna-Whore Complex (or the Madonna-Whore Constellation as some scholars refer to it) was coined by the father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, who primarily studied this phenomenon in men. Freud found that his male patients would marry and have children with women they would idealize as “Madonnas,” which comes from the Italian word for “Mi Donna” or “My Lady.” Originally, this phrase was used as a term of endearment that practicing Catholics would use to refer to the Virgin Mary. The virgin mother of Jesus Christ, who sacrificed her life for her son, thus she is a symbol of the ultimate “good mother.” Moreover, if any of you are familiar with medieval culture or mythology, the term “My Lady” has also been used by knights to reflect their honorable act of self-sacrifice (i.e. their vows of chastity), which they took in service to protect their Queen.
The Madonna and Child by Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld
Thus, the Madonna (long before it was associated with the iconic popstar of the 1980s) was meant to symbolize the ultimate ideal woman. She is caring, nurturing, loving, beautiful (according to Western male standards of beauty), and above all, else obedient. She represents the “Good Girl” archetype little girls are told to become: to dress modestly, not wear “too much” make-up, to put others before themselves, and always be kind.
If a woman steps out of this role for any reason, even when it is to advocate for her own needs, she becomes the Whore. The whore is loud, passionate, and in full agency of herself. She does not center men and often does not comply with the rules and norms that “Good Girls” are expected to follow. She is the “Bad Girl” by comparison. She is the femme fatale, the trickster seductress who drinks whiskey straight, can outsmart a man in any bet, and every man wants to be with her, for she is the ultimate conquest except when it comes to marriage.
A few famous examples of the femme fatale archetype Mystique (X-Men), Jennifer (Jennifer’s Body) and The Bride (Kill Bill).
Why is this the case? Well, from Freud’s perspective, who was no doubt influenced by the passionate love letters between his colleague Carl Jung and his patient turned/supervisee Sabina Spielrein, men will desire these women both sexually and emotionally, yet they can not reconcile their Id (animal impulses) with their Superego desire for power and status. Thus, to maintain their sense of ego that is reflective of values they have been internalized to embody through societal conditioning, they choose to remain married to their “Madonna” wives who represent an outward persona they want to project onto the world (i.e., the “Good Wife/Family/Marriage”). Meanwhile, in private, they will choose to seek out their mistresses or “Whores” whom they can truly be vulnerable with, not just sexually but often emotionally as well. In fact, such was the case with Jung, who, despite having a wife before meeting Spielrein, would exchange copious amounts of love letters with her, yet it is unclear if their relationship ever became physical. Moreover, Freud noted these men would often have a deeper felt connection with their mistress than their wives. This is because this archetype, allowed men to project their “bad” or shadow aspects onto these women (hence they felt comfortable sharing their vulnerabilities and less savory qualities), whereas they could not openly express themselves in their marriage to their idealized wives because of how “good” they perceived them to be.
So what about the women who get placed into these categories? What happens to them? And why have their stories been forgotten or only told by men throughout history?
The answer to that is what I have coined as the Goddess-Witch Spectrum™.
The Feminine Disconnection: Train ‘em Young!
In my work as an intuitive healer and psychotherapist, it would be impossible to count just how frequently I hear stories of women telling me about how they learned, even before they could verbalize, that they were expected to be “good girls,.” Let’s see if any of these phrases sound familiar to you:
“Don’t sit with your legs uncrossed, it’s not lady-like.”
“Be nice!”
“Smile and be polite!”
“Why can’t you just wear the nice dress I bought you?”
“Oh you look so beautiful, just like a doll.”
“You’re just Mommy’s/Daddy’s little angel.”
“I just love how kind/friendly/sweet you are.”
“You’re so small! I just love how tiny and cute you are.”
“Oh, you are so good with your siblings; you’re going to be such a great mom!”
These are just some of the phrases, I and other women have internalized growing up. What is the common theme among these statements? They all reinforce one thing: to be likable. That whoever is giving us these messages is the person whose approval we should be seeking in order to be a “good girl”. That “good girls” are nice, likable, sweet, and pretty. They aspire to be “dolls” for other people to enjoy or vessels to carry future children. And these “good girls” grow up to aspire to become the Madonna. They want to be adored by others, to feel seen and appreciated, they want to be “perfect” in every sense of the word, and for some women, this is a natural fit. Many women do enjoy taking on more “traditional” roles…however, for most women, this role, because it is not defined by themselves, over time becomes too restrictive. Thus, inevitably, the Madonna falls from grace, just as Eve ate the apple…
The Fall of Man by Titian
Thus, the downside of traditionalism is that it is usually always defined by a man or rather a system created by men. Therefore, it was inherently not created with women in mind, or rather, it didn’t leave space for women to develop into complex beings or self-actualize. Thus, the Madonna is the “role” many of us feel pressured to embody as women, yet ultimately, we find ourselves having to navigate both of these worlds.
On the opposite side of the Madonna/Good Girl. When little girls act out, they are called “bad” or “mean,” and bad girls hear phrases like:
“Stop eating, or you’ll get bigger.”
“Don’t be so rude!”
“Why can’t you be more like your sister/brother? You are always misbehaving.”
“You are just so difficult.”
“Don’t wear that; boys will get the wrong impression.”
“Why buy the cow, when you can have the milk for free.”
“Boys/men/your father doesn’t like it when you wear that.”
“Little girls should be seen, not heard. You are being too loud.”
“Stop being so emotional/dramatic.”
Again, these are just a few of the phrases said to little girls which are meant to shame them into acting like “good girls,” and if they can’t comply or suppress their needs, we label them as “bad.” And so the training begins. Early on, young girls learn two things in life: I can either be “good” and lovable but at the cost of knowing myself, or I can be “bad” and have self-agency, but no one will love me.
And so begins the internalization of the Madonna-Whore Complex or what I call the Goddess-Witch Spectrum™ in women.
In this spectrum, you are either elevated to the level of a “Goddess” who is “light feminine” to the highest degree. Everything women are told to become and aspire to be, just like the Virgin Mary. Or you can be the “Witch.” Dark femininity to the extreme. Wild, untamed, and angry. Everything that men fear in women and everything women have learned to disown within themselves to put men at ease.
And we see both of these archetypes so clearly in our culture today. It is the rise of Witch-Tok and how women are wanting to embrace their “black cat energy” while others, are doubling down on the “trad-wife” trend making homemade bread and embracing a more “demure” beauty.
It’s the way men will objectify “alt-girls”, plus-size and ethnic minority women as some sort of conquest. Or worse – deliberately attack these women for not complying with patriarchy. Yet, at the same time, these men lift up the Marjorie Taylor Greenes of the world and other “good women” who comply with their harmful rhetoric and shame other women.
Because let’s be real, the ultimate weapon the patriarchy can use against women is to keep us divided. To keep us fighting our sisters and feeling like we have to be one or the other. The Goddess or The Witch.
When the truth is women have always been and will always be both. You can not have the Goddess without the accessing the dark power of the Witch and you cannot be Witch without knowing your inner light of the Goddess. If we want to make the world a better place, it starts with women healing this divide within themselves first so that we can embrace our sisters, rather than turning against them.
Athena vs. Medusa (A symbol of the light vs. dark feminine) artist unknown
The Goddess-Witch Spectrum™
Luckily for those of you with whom this post resonates, I am offering a 7-week LIVE virtual course starting in September 2025 that will cover the origins of The Goddess-Witch Spectrum™ and how to identify your Goddess and Witch archetypes to move towards greater wholeness.
This course will meet LIVE on Wednesdays from 6 to 8 PM CST (4 to 6 PST/7 to 9 EST) and run for 7-weeks from 9/3 to 10/15/2025.
The workshop will include group discussions, activities, homework, and journaling prompts for you to reflect on your journey. We will cover everything from how these archetypes show up in media and our day-to-day lives throughout women’s lifespan (from maiden to mother to crone). We also discuss how this spectrum has been used against women and their mental and physical health throughout history with conditions like BPD, historic personality disorder, and PMDD.
This course is normally priced at $700 dollars, but for the whole month of March, I am cutting over half the cost to $333 in honor of Women’s History Month. (That’s a savings of over $350!)
You can sign up today, by using this link to register!
Moreover, all this month (especially for my paid subscribers), expect new blog posts and content centered around women’s rights and lived experiences. To all my Goddesses and Witches, I wish you all healing and love of all your parts, both the light and the dark!
OX,
Your Dark Fairy Godmother