To Paywall or Not to Paywall?

Payment for Feminine Labor is a Form of Resistance

When I initially began posting on Substack my goal was to share my writing with others to educate them on the spiritual healing practices of the feminine and their applicability to our modern-day psychotherapy approaches. While this still is my goal and always will be, after a recent post I made regarding how women and healers have been traditionally viewed as vessels, I have spent the last week reflecting on how often it is that we as a society expect free labor from healers, more specifically women.

Perhaps the Leo full moon inspired me to take action and demand that I and other healers who practice more holistic and feminine healing practices be paid for our knowledge, time, and creative energy. Or maybe it gave me the confidence to realize that even within my professional and personal relationships, people have often attempted to take advantage of my kindness due to my gender. For example, this week, I was connecting with a few of my fellow therapists in my local city when I was approached by an individual who asked if I could “swap” services with them so that they could attend a training I am hosting on incorporating Tarot into psychotherapy for free.

I will admit that in the past, younger versions of myself, particularly when I was early in my career and full of self-doubt, would have taken them up on their offer. I mean, after all, the economy is shit right now! Shouldn’t I be compassionate and understanding to a follow therapist since we are in the same boat? Isn’t the point of being a healer to heal and help people? Do I really need that money? Or am I just being that horrible word we love to call women who demand people recognize their worth…SELFISH.

To make a long story short. I did not “swap” services with this individual, and I politely informed them that while I would love to collaborate with other professionals and I am always open to sharing knowledge through respectful discourse, I do not swap services. Therefore, they would need to pay for my workshop in full to attend.

Damn, that felt good! And while perhaps that statement is short, direct, sweet, and to the point on paper, the process of me getting to a place where I could confidently say those words has been much more difficult…

The Financial Cost of Feminine Kindness

In pervious posts, I have talked about how women largely dominate the psychotherapy profession (and subsequently, many helping professions) and that it is not a coincidence that women and other individuals in these fields do not get fairly compensated for their labor, which leads to several financial, physical, emotional, and mental difficulties for helpers and healers. This is because women learn that they should prioritize others' needs above their own. Furthermore, since they are often unable to take care of themselves at the expense of sacrificing their needs for others, this leads to a form of martyrdom. Hence why, I felt pressured to accommodate this individual’s request even though, despite their offer to share their knowledge with me, they were not considering the emotional time, labor, and resources that went into the construction of my workshop.

My workshop is based not only on my dissertation research but also on the time and energy I have spent in session with clients. Therefore, it is not only an insult to me to expect this labor for free but also to my clients, who have greatly benefited from our work together and whose stories of healing I need to honor. Moreover, putting together resources, handouts, and PowerPoint slides all take hours and hours of labor. Giving that away for free, even if someone is willing to pay for a “coffee” to chat with you, is not a fair compensation.

In fact, it's what we have been conditioned to expect from women as a society and to accept in return as women. That a complement here or there should be enough to fulfill us. That someone saying how much they appreciate our work is honestly the best reward, because we’re not it for “the money” we just want to help people. So, even as women and healers alike, we learn to devalue ourselves and turn ourselves into “just a vessel.” Beating others to the punch before they can do the same to us.

Image Credit Unknown

Hope You Still Like Me…F-U, Pay Me

This line from Beyonce’s iconic 2010s hit Run the World (Girls) still sadly has so much merit even today. Not only for women, but for individuals of color, specifically Black, Brown, and Asian women who are still grossly underpaid for their labor within many professional industries. How many men have benefited from the labor of women? So many scientists, philosophers, and yes, even male psychotherapists have profited offer of the wisdom of women or individuals of color because they saw it as an opportunity for advancement in their careers versus it being an opportunity to share knowledge with others to heal the world.

Women have been taught that, above all, we need to be likable. How does one make themselves likable in a highly patriarchal system? You become the ultimate vessel – no boundaries, no confidence, no self-worth. You just absorb and take what is handed to you.

This is bullshit though, because even the best healers know they are more than just a container to hold others' pain. It is their ability to form relationships and use humor, compassion, and creativity to help clients make meaning of their experience that is equally impactful. Yes, being a channel or vessel is important, but the ability to become that takes a certain level of skill, which many individuals are not capable of. Which is something that needs to be honored and not taken advantage of.

The Dreaded Paywall

So, following the advice of Beyonce and this Leo full moon, all about owning your worth and confidence, I am now enacting a paywall for some of my exclusive content. Though I will continue to post some free blogs which are not as intellectually heavy, such as this post.

What I mean by exclusive content is any content that I plan to include in my creative works, such as books, training, workshops, or other materials that contain my intellectual property. Therefore, if you, the reader, choose to subscribe and pay for your subscription, you will be contributing to my ability to write more about these topics I love and want to share with the world. Since my ultimate goal is to publish a book on ways to use Tarot, Reiki, and other feminine healing practices in psychotherapy. Therefore, your gift or contribution, is not only for me to be compensated for my time and energy but also to extend that reciprocation back out into the world – as it should be.

We, as women and healers, need to practice this model. Because the truth is if we do not value ourselves, it makes it easier for us to devalue other healers' and women’s work as well. How many times have you known a woman, or have been her, yourself, who judged another woman for demanding that she be paid for her worth? This doesn’t even just extend to money, it also includes relationships. We judge women who decide not to stay with their romantic partners even when that individual was not reciprocating their efforts all the time. We call her “too picky” or “never satisfied”. What that actually reveals is our jealousy towards one another. “Why can she have what she wants, and I can’t?”

All of our time and energy deserves to be appreciated, no matter your gender, your race, your ethical background, or education. Therefore, I argue that it is an act of resistance to demand others pay you for your worth. It directly disrupts the status-quo for women and healers. It forces others to actually acknowledge the work we do and the hidden labor behind it, which is often unseen. The hours of training and perfecting our craft, the education, the books we read, the context we create, the hours and drafts we spent writing.

Choosing to be paid for our emotional healing labor is exactly what the patriarchy doesn’t want us to do as women. Because if we know our value and the value of our work then we are less easy to control.

So with that if you would like to join my paid subscription, the cost is $13 a month or $130 annually. A number I choose to honor the Goddess and all the feminine labor which has been unacknowledged and devalued for too long.

XO

Your Dark Fairy Godmother