Likability, it’s what we all crave as women. To be likable. But when does likability turn into self-sabotaging behavior, or worse, jealousy?
Women often get a bad rap for being jealous of one another, and this pattern is often the butt of many jokes. For example, in the Trump v. Musk feud, these two grown men and their actions were jokingly referred to by many individuals as “the girls are fighting.”
We love to make fun of women in our society, or shame them for their behavior, yet we never bother to sit and ask ourselves why girls are so prone to jealousy? What makes them behave this way? And how is jealousy rooted in fear and generational trauma for women, which all centers around the desire to be…you guessed it…likable.
In this episode, I reference my good friend Mollie’s podcast Back from the Borderline, episode on the death of the people-pleaser: how self-abandonment becomes a survival strategy, which breaks down the three archetypes of the people-pleaser or “good girl” role, which I associate with the goddess archetype in my concept of the goddess-witch spectrum™.
I expand upon these roles by discussing psychologist Carl Rogers’ concept of Conditions of Worth and how our upbringing or early relational experiences can lead us to seek out likability as a form of protection and a sense of belonging.
Moreover, I historically link the desire for belonging and safety to women’s experiences of persecution throughout history, specifically referencing the Witch Craze in Europe, where women who refused to be “likable” by the Church or their neighbors were often he targets of witch trials and subsequent executions.
Lastly, I discuss how the desire to be likable breeds competition in women, resulting in jealousy not only between friends but also between mothers and their children.
I also provide an example from my own life of when jealousy came to bite me in the a** because I denied myself something I truly wanted to be since as “likable” and how women can learn to embrace jealousy not as a protective response, but as a wise teacher that reveals who they are and what they truly want for themselves.
Enjoy!
OX
Your Dark Fairy Godmother
P.S. For those of you interested in learning more about the Goddess-Witch Spectrum™, check out my on-demand 4-week course on how to integrate your inner goddess and witch aspects. The course is $44 and new modules will be released each week. Check it out here to purchase:
